Wednesday, May 25, 2011


Adam Carolla's story on how Kareem was a real dick in refusing a kid's request for a autograph reminds me of a similar story.

In 1980 or 1981, a  Dave Kingman  at bat was one of the few reasons anyone would watch a Met game.  He would hit moonshots.  Or strikeout on a pitch over his head or at his toes.  There was no middle ground with King Kong.

So one day after a game Baldman and his pals ran into Kingman right outside the Met clubhouse.  They were face to face with King Kong.  And they did what all kids would do in that situation: they asked him for his autograph. 

And 30 years later, Baldman still remembers Kingman's response:

Not tonight guys, my shoulder hurts.

His shoulder hurts?  We just saw him hit a baseball beyond the Shea bullpen and into the parking lot.

He was fucking with us.  And he knew it, and we knew it, and he knew that we knew it.

And he could care less.

What a twisted thing to do.

Years later, when I read that he sent a  female sportswriter a package that contained a live rat, I have to say it was not a shock-not at all.

Look-A-Likes: Timothy McVeigh & Jason Bay

Look-A-Likes: The Smith Brothers Guy & James Harden

Tuesday, May 24, 2011


Kareem Abdul-Jabbar has been whining that there is no statue of him outside the Staples Center.  Now there are two things we know about Kareem:

1) He had the most unstoppable weapon in the history of sports-the sky hook.  He was automatic.  With Kareem, once he got into that rolling motion, you put the two points in the books.  With every other superstar (Jordan, Bird, etc.) they would occasionally make a shot where you could not believe it went in.  With Kareem, there were no surprises-you knew it was going in.  Always.

2) He has spent his whole life being a dick to people.  (Check out the Adam Carolla video below, where he witnessed Jabbar dealing with a kid's autograph request.)  For close to half century, Kareem has, in the words of Peter Vecsey, "burned every bridge in front of him."

And once the sky hook was gone, and Kareem needed people to look out for him, to hook him up, to do him favors, to give him recognition, everyone who was in a position to do so had been dissed by Kareem.

And they have treated Kareem like he treated them.

Moral of the story: Even if you scored 38,000 points, you should not be a dick to people.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Musical Gleason

People forget that the great Jackie Gleason sold millions of records of his musical arrangements of love songs.  In a 1985 piece by Pete Hamill in New York Magazine, Gleason explained when he learned the importance of music:

"I saw Clark Gable in a picture.  He's on a couch with a broad.  Nothing's happening.  Then the music starts, and Gable is the most romantic son of a bitch you ever saw.  And I say to myself, 'If Gable needs strings, what about some poor schmuck from Brooklyn?'"  

Look-A-Likes: Zach Randolph & That Kid From Lean On Me


What we can learn from the Jorge Posada thing and the "whore four" is very enlightening.  Fans will tolerate a lot.  You can do steroids.  You can not hustle.  You can do drugs.  You can shoot yourself in the leg, or conduct horrible dog fights.

But certain things are sacrosanct.  And you never know exactly what they are, and where the boundaries lie, until it has been crossed.

And one of those things is that the manager makes the lineup.  And the players accept that the manager has that authority.  It's something every kid learns in little league. 

So when Posada said in effect, "kiss my ass, I ain't batting last" and decided he would not play, it hit a nerve. 

He crossed a line that should never be crossed.

And it doesn't matter that he is part of the dopey whore four, or how many championships he has been a part of, or that he has built up a lot of good will-the manager makes the lineup.

I'm sure Posada was shocked at how people reacted, but it was refreshing to see it.  He was tampering with something so basic and fundamental, and the same fans who will tolerate a lot of things, drew the line at Posada's behaviour.

And that's that.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Scenes From A Marriage

Dialogue between Bin Laden and his wife at the compound:

Karen: I don't know. I don't know if I could live that way. What if, God forbid, you go to Gitmo?

Bin Laden: Karen, are you nuts? Jeannie's husband went to Gitmo just to get away from her, she's such a pain in the ass. Nobody goes to Gitmo unless they want to, unless they make themselves get caught...

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

A Ewing Doing...

When you think of great speeches, you would be forgiven if the one Patrick Ewing gave when the Knicks retired his number in February of 2003 doesn't come to mind.  But I thought he did a terrific job; all without notes. Besides, Knick fans are starving, why not throw them a bone?

Not A Suprise

A search of the Bin Laden computers confiscated by the Navy Seals revealed the entire collection of Michael Moore movies...

Smile For The Birdy...

OBAMA, NO PHOTOS OF OSAMA: 'We don't need to spike the football'...

Wanting to see the photos is not spiking the football, its more like looking at the replay to confirm that the touchdown actually occurred.  Do we have the right to see the photos?  Of course we do. 

When it came to Abu Ghraib, the hard left said "we have a right to know" but when it comes to the murder of Bin Laden, an enemy of historic proportions, they tell us we don't have a right at all. The lesson: pictures that will embarrass our military should be distributed wide and far; pictures that will confirm one of the greatest accomplishments in American military history must be hidden away from the public view.

You can't underestimate how big a deal this is.  Bid Laden is our generation's Hitler.  Show the pics....

Last Words

Obama's last words: "Don't tase me, bro!"

Words of Wisdom

I want to see it ONLY because I hate him and want to see his fucking face with a bullet in it. And that's reason enough.-Jim Norton

We watched fellow citizens jumping from the 90th floor, but we can't handle seeing photos of the guy behind it shot to death?-Jim Norton

Bin Laden used his wife as a human shield. If he married Kirsty Alley he'd still B alive.-Nick Dipaolo

Quote of the Day

"And the Time Man of the Year is...Waterboarding."-Dennis Miller

Monday, May 2, 2011

I Love It So...

Could it have played out any better?

Our guys go to Osama's house, break in, put two bullets in his head,-- in front of his wife (one of many) and children-- and take his body and dump it into the ocean?

A straight-up assassination.  Let me count the ways I love it so:

1) It was just us.  No "international community".  No "coalition of the willing".  We did not inform ANYBODY.  We did not feel the compulsion to get others to at least fake that they were involved in the assassination.  We did not say, "Hey England, or Australia, want to hold onto this ham radio during the raid?  We'll give you credit during the press conference."  It was vital that Bin Laden was killed by an American.  By going it alone, we ensured that it played out that way.

2) We did not ask permission from Pakistan.  We tracked him, found him and killed him. We did not let geographical borders impede the mission.

3) No lawyers. No Miranda warnings-unless Miranda was the name of the broad Bid Laden the coward used as a human shield before he took two to the head.  No memorandum from the Justice Department on how many times the SEALS had to knock on the door before proceeding.  It was a military operation-not a criminal justice take down.  No subpoenas, depositions or motions.  Just two to the head.

4) Our military guys.  God bless them, the SEALS and all the rest.  They are the best of the best. Look at the percentage of people that serve in the military compared to those that do not or have not served. The disparity is the largest in American history.  They have taken on a burden that is so disproportionate-and yet they never complain.  What they did yesterday will be remembered ---for as long as we have a country--as one of the greatest military achievements in American history.  How can you not burst with pride when you think about our military?  

Sunday, May 1, 2011

He Sucks

The April stats are in, and Baldman tied  Derek Jeter in home runs and stolen bases, and trails him in doubles by only two.  But that leadership Jeter brings, no one can compete with that.

NATO has decalred each Jeter at bat as a No-Fly Zone..

Jeter is the Hosni Mubarak of baseball: he has lost all of his power...