Monday, September 27, 2010

Monkey Business

Prospect Park Zoo just had a contest to name the baby baboons that were born in the zoo in July. I submitted the perfect name for one of them, but it was rejected:

Joe Girardi

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Quick Ones

Who is Braylon Edwards's favorite all time Jet?

Emerson Boozer.

Why does Lawrence Taylor play blackjack?

Because he does not like to hit on anything over 17.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

He Had To Take It

Obama's Economic Czar Larry Summers is leaving the administration to head back to Harvard. He was offered his dream job and could not turn it down: the Chair of Harvard's "Communist" Department. The only job more prestigious at Harvard is the guy responsible for bolting the doors closed whenever a military recruiter tries to stop by.

Take The Rap

Did you know that Jet linebacker Vernon Gholston was in the car with Braylon Edwards and was also arrested? Yeah, the cops picked him up for stealing millions from the Jets, what a bust this high first round pick has been. You know the Jets probably pressured Gholston to say he was the one behind the wheel. Antonio Cromartie was supposed hang with Edwards that night, but he was running late because he had to put his kids to bed, which entails visiting eight houses in seven different states.

A Head of His Time

That monument of Steinbrenner's head is so huge, I thought for a moment that it was Jason Kidd's son sitting in the center field bleachers.

Quote of the Day

Peter King want Christie to run in 2012:

Christie is a guy who appeals to Reagan Democrats. We need more of that. He doesn’t look like a Hollywood star. He comes across like your neighbor down the street — smart and tough . . . He was a successful lawyer, a successful U.S. attorney, and he was elected governor in a blue state against a well-financed opponent.”

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Go Carl Go

Three cheers for Carl Paladino. After his public requests for a debate were ignored by Son of Mario, Paladino sent him a letter where he smacks sonny boy around. I love when a person writes in his own voice, and Paladino does not disappoint in that regard.

Some excerpts:

On Son of Mario ignoring his request to debate:

I guess what I find most offensive, other than the arrogance towards the public by your lack of a public answer, is the idea that this is somehow your decision as you have some sense of entitlement based on being the son of Mario Cuomo, a governor who left our state economy in a wreck. I know. I remember trying to make a living in UpstateNew York while your father was governor.

On Son of Mario's Lack of Balls:

Frankly, i dont think you have the cojones to face me and the other candidates in a open debate. I dont think you have the cojones to answer direct questions regarding the mistakes you made at HUD in pushing a sub-prime mortgage scheme that costtaxpayers $2.4 trillion dollars and cost most New Yorkers the value of their 401-Ks. I dont think you have the cojones to answer questions about why you embracedethically-challenged Charlie Rangel while pledging to clean up corruption.

On Son of Mario Being A Pussy:

So Andrew, for the first time in your life be a man. Don't hide behind daddy's coattails
even though he pulled strings to advance your career every step of your way. Come out and debate like a man.

Our Fearless Leader

Did you see the Yankees dedicate that monument to Steinbrenner? The thing is like eight -feet tall. It reminded me of the type of monuments you see in North Korea, those huge Kim Jong II monuments expressing gratitude to "our fearless leader." The inscription even says George was a "visionary"-a nice dictatorial touch. I half expected the five year grain projections to be flashed on the scoreboard. Maybe baseball fans from small market cities like Kansas City or Pittsburgh will travel to the Bronx, go to Monument Park take their shoes off and throw them at George's eight- foot head.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Fight The Power... What Power?

Time for a brief civics lesson on the Stoop. A local separation of government powers FYI that may be of interest.

In New York City we have the Mayor, the City Council, the Comptroller the Public Advocate. They make up city government and are elected by the public.

The City Council passes legislation, the Mayor signs it into law and executes it, and the Comptroller audits the books.

In a nutshell, that's how it works.

And that leaves the Public Advocate.

What are the powers delegated to the Public Advocate?

None. Zero.

New York City Public Advocate Bill DeBlasio should be made to wear a Robert Parish jersey every time he walks into the office.

When I say the office has no power, I mean that literally.

It can't enforce any law or regulation.

It has no power to make budgets.

It cannot subpoena any city agency.

It cannot investigate city government.

It has no function; its very existence is a monument to liberal excess and how they really don't care about our tax dollars.

Now you may think that the Public Advocate has a function in city government because you always see the Public Advocate mentioned when something goes wrong in the city.

Last week, on election day, there was a big screw up with the electronic voting machines.

The Board of Elections fucked up big time.

So here comes the Public Advocate to the rescue.

Here is the New York Times on the actions Bill Deblasio took:

In a letter sent to board officials on Thursday, Mr. de Blasio identified several areas of concern, including specific data about the new electronic voting machines, the level of interagency coordination, the recruitment of poll workers, and voter privacy. He said he expected answers in two weeks so that remedies could be developed before the general election on Nov. 2.

Notice that Deblasio "expected" answers in two weeks. He did not demand them, or send a subpoena.

You or I could have written the same letter, and it would have the same legal effect.

The Board of Elections can choose to answer DeBlasio, or it could ignore the request.

He can't compel a response.

It is a ceremonial office with a liberal feel -good name: "Public Advocate".

And it should be abolished pronto.

What's Up, Baby Brother?

ESPN just reported that after the Colts whipped the Giants last night, Peyton Manning met Eli after the game and gave his little brother a wedgie.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Eye On Government

When the leaves begin to turn, I think of three things: (1) playoff baseball; (2) my beloved football Giants; and (3) Joe Paterno's glasses.

Jo Pa's glasses. With lenses so thick, they could be used to bullet- proof the pope mobile. Those lenses can be nationalized as solar panels to heat the entire eastern seaboard.

But I would be remiss if I did not comment on the frames. Joe's lenses get all the love, but no one takes the time to describe the frames.

The frames that Joe uses are very popular.

When you are a member of a government worker's union, you receive free optical care. And every year, you are entitled to one free pair of glasses. And when you go to pick out your pair of glasses, they show you all the frames that you can choose from under your union plan. And those frames, the government union frames, are always the most fucked up looking frames in the store.

And every year, you get to go back to that same vision center and pick up your union-sponsored glasses.

So if you see anyone walking around with the Joe Pa look, just know they are proud members of a government workers union.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Hubie & Jack

ESPN has done a wonderful thing for basketball fans: they got Jack Ramsay & Hubie Brown together to talk hoops. Here, they tell about the most memorable game of their careers. I love how Hubie breaks down Bernard King's Game 5 against the Pistons in 1984:

Friday, September 17, 2010

A-Fraud Goes Yard

So the Yankees were down 3-1 in the ninth, down to their last strike, and A-Fraud Roidriguez hits a game winning three- run homer? Are you kidding me? I mean, what was he thinking? Doesn't he know that the proper thing to do, the Yankee thing to do, the winning baseball thing to do is to fake like you're gonna bunt and pretend that you got hit by the pitch? How selfish he is, this A-Fraud. Putting himself above the team by swinging away and hitting a homer instead of flopping. We know Jeter never would have done that, right?

One Hospital, One Year

Parkland Memorial Hospital- does the name ring a bell? It's where John Kennedy died after his head was blown off by Oswald.

But nowadays, it's infamous for something else: the number of anchor babies that are born there every year.

The numbers are stunning, and because Parkland is a public hospital, it's all paid for by the taxpayer.

As far as maternity wards go, Parkland might as well be Grand Central Station, it's so busy. Every year approximately 16,000 babies are delivered there. And out of that 16,000, 70% are delivered by mothers who are illegal immigrants.

That comes to 11,200 babies a year.

That number is mind-numbing.

We are talking about just one hospital, in just one year.

This hospital is like Woodstock for illegal aliens, they come from near and far so that they can have a baby in the U.S. that-- just by being born in America-- will be granted full citizenship.

Think about that. Think about the crazy incentives we provide to illegal aliens: yes, you are breaking the law by being here, but if you happen to hatch a kid while breaking the law, that kid is a citizen.

The Anchor baby policy has to be rolled back. The new law should be called the "Fruit of the Poisonous Illegal Alien Act". It would be a law only one sentence long: "All children born on U.S. soil to illegal aliens are also illegal aliens."

And when President Christie signs it into law, I want him to open an INS Detention Center right next to the Maternity Ward at Parkland Public Hospital.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

And Now, The End Is Near.....

Did you see Jeter last night? If you look up the definition of "washed up", you will see a photo of a baseball player-- way over the hill-- squaring around to bunt --because he can't hit no more-- and then pretending to get hit by the pitch because it's the only way for him to get on base.

The man is paid $20 million dollars a year. What he did is what little league coaches tell the worst kid on the team to do: "Go up there and bunt and if you can't even do that right, pretend that you got hit by the pitch."

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Swing Away

It looks like Carl Paladino is going to take off the gloves and go after Son of Mario hard. Amen to that. He should be like Duran in the first Leonard fight: push him into a corner and don't let him out. This idea that Son of Mario is this moderate Democrat ready to lead New York back to fiscal sanity is like that noted philosopher Mike Tyson would say, "ludicrous."

When you examine Son of Mario's record, you will see that claiming he is a mainstream practical moderate is like looking at the back of Luis Castillo's baseball card and saying, "I think he's going to hit 40 home runs next year."

The man is a left-wing wrecking ball.

He got his start in the family business--politics-- by being his father's left hand man and chief advisor as Mario ran this state into the ground. Then his pappy sent him downstate to work for the most inept Mayor in the history of New York-David Dinkins. And if that wasn't enough, once his pappy agreed to not run against Bill Clinton, the president thanked Mario by naming Son of Mario the head of HUD, where his fingerprints are all over the sub prime mortgage mess since he implemented the federal government's policy to "encourage" banks to make loans to people who had no business receiving them. Moreover, as HUD Secretary, he remade Fannie & Freddie into the mess that has devastated this country.

So Son of Mario is that rare breed of liberal; a triple threat that has been able to implement ruinous liberal policies at the local, state and federal levels.

And we are going to reward this political hack with the governorship?

Take off the gloves, Carl Paladino.

And swing away.

Not As Bad

Reggie Bush after giving back the Heisman: "You think I disgraced USC? Did you see Mark Sanchez against the Ravens Monday Night?

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

A Pleasure To Root For

Just when you think the modern athlete is unworthy of your support, along comes RA Dickey to remind you why it's okay to cheer for some guys.

He is 35, and just breaking through in the big leagues.

He's a born- again Christian with a wife and three kids who visits firehouses and VA Hospitals on his days off.

He rightfully called out the three amigos, Beltran-Castillo & Perez for not showing up at Walter Reed.

He gets it. And all Met fans love him.

From George Vecsey's column:

My last question was about his critical comments when Carlos Beltran, Oliver Perez and Luis Castillo skipped the visit to Walter Reed.

I don’t want to be too hard on those guys,” he said, “but at the same time I wanted to concentrate on what it meant for me, how grateful I was,” he said, meaning toward soldiers who had sacrificed their health.

On a team that has grievously lacked leadership Dickey’s voice was welcome.
“I’m a 35-year-old man with three kids, so I feel like what I say with a pure heart, I don’t have to apologize for it,” Dickey said.

Sports of The Times - R.A. Dickey's Continuing Journey Leads to ...

The No Confidence Man

Did you see the Jet game? Mark Sanchez looked like Joe Namath out there. Of course Namath is now 67 years old. I thought Sexy Rexy Ryan was going to remove his lap band and choke his pretty boy quarterback with it right there on the sideline. What did Sanchez throw for, 71 yards? That's going to be the record for the lowest yards for a QB in the new stadium for a long time. You know you suck at QB when the announcers search for something positive to say and all they can come up with is, "He is doing a great job taking the snap from the center."

Sanchez is like Obamacare: the more you find out about it, the more fucked up it is.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Look At The Root Cause

The true home run king, Hank Aaron lamented the fact that blacks comprise only 9% of the players on major league rosters. He blames the lack of baseball scholarships:

"Football has such a lucrative scholarship that when parents talk to their kids about going to school, they talk about one thing, and that's playing football," Aaron said. "You had kids like Bo Jackson and Deion Sanders, who could've been excellent baseball players, but they had to go to school on football scholarships and play two sports. In the long run, it's not going to work, especially for baseball."

Hammerin' Hank swings and misses at the major cause of the decline.

Baseball is the ultimate father & son sport. Playing catch with your father is how millions of American kids have been introduced to baseball.

And it has been that way for generations.

But the sad fact of the matter is this: 74% of black children are born out of wedlock.

And that leads to a lot of fathers not playing catch with their sons.

Which results in not nearly as many black children develop a bond with baseball like when Aaron was growing up.

And if you don't develop an interest in baseball early, it is very hard to pick it up later.

Admittedly, out of all the problems that can be traced to the inexcusably high out of wedlock child birth rate, this is a minor one.

But they are related.

How sad and shameful it is, that so many kids don't know their fathers in America.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Where Have You Gone, Jack Tatum?

Regarding the preacher who wants to burn the Koran, we all know that the only mistake he made was he picked the wrong holy book to desecrate. You change the Koran to the Bible, you could set it on fire, you could cover it in shit, you could throw in a urine- soaked crucifix as a book marker, and the next thing you know, you will have your own exhibit in the Brooklyn Museum of Art-and you will celebrated as a great artist. And the sad thing is everything I just wrote has happened in the past. Not only has it happened-but it was all funded by taxpayers through the National Endowment of the Arts.

So maybe that's what the preacher should do, ask the NEA to underwrite the cost of the lighter fluid.

But what kills me dead about this whole thing is not the above, we all know that part of the right of passage of the hard left is the desecration of Christian symbols and hiding behind the skirt of the 1st amendment when they are called on it.

I know they are rats like that.

But was kills me is the argument by the Pres, Madam Hillary and even Petraeus that "if he does it, they may get mad and hurt us".

How far we have fallen!

America is like a battered wife and we as a nation have to be careful not to say something that will set our wife-beating husband (radical Islam) off-cause he will smack us around.

And it will be our fault for setting him off.

How bout for once we make them afraid on how we will react if they do something?

America needs to be like Jack Tatum.

And radical Islam needs to feel like a wide receiver going over the middle after the Darryl Stingley episode.

Plant the seed in their mind: if they go over the middle, something really bad might happen.

Cause right now, they are roaming free in the green open fields.

And that will get us killed-not a preacher in Florida with a Koran & a set of matches.

Chris Christie Schools A Teacher

This is new, Christie breaks it down like no one else can:

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Going After The Wrong Guy

So it looks like Reggie Bush is going to get stripped of his Heisman Trophy because he took money from an agent.

From where I sit on the Stoop they are going after the wrong USC Heisman Trophy winning running back.

Reggie Bush took money. OJ Simpson beheaded two people.

I don't know what the NCAA field manual says, but somehow, I think what OJ did is worse.

But here is a possible solution:

If they insist on taking Bush's Heisman, why don't they give it to Fred Goldman?

OJ was found liable for the wrongful death of Goldman's son, and the $38 million dollar judgment has not been satisfied.

Give Goldman the trophy, he can sell it to satisfy a small part of the judgment, and when OJ gets out, he can continue his quest to find the real killer.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Not Who They Say They Are

"He's Jordan and I'm Pippen."

That's NY Jet Antonio Cromartie reacting to Darrelle Revis signing his new contract.

The Jets already have the fake LT (Ladainian Tomlinson) and now that got football's MJ?


Revis ain't Jordan, and Cromartie is not Pippen-he is Shawn Kemp.

As for Tomlinson, they should sell his fake LT memorabilia down on Canal Street; it will fit right in with the fugazy watches and handbags.

He Would Know

So Eliot Spitzer is about to start his own show on CNN. Maybe the Governor can weigh in on Craig's List shutting down its Adult Services section. He may have some insights on that subject.

Early & Often

So Chicago's Mayor Daley announced that he won't run again. While everyone is scrambling to find out who will be the next mayor, the big question is what are they going to do with those millions of votes that have already been cast for Daley from beyond the grave? Do they send ACORN out to the graveyard to take a new head count?

Look-A-Likes: Jim Cramer & Louis CK

Monday, September 6, 2010

It's Over Johnny

You know summer is over when the grass in my beloved Prospect Park starts to resemble Joe Biden's plug-ridden hairline: clumps of faded grass & dirt where lush greens used to be.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Please Be Quiet While They Beat The Shit Out Of One Another

I just read that there was a fight in the stands at the U.S. Open. They were fighting over which preschool has a higher acceptance rate into Ivy League colleges. How does it work when a fight breaks out in a tennis match? Do the fans have to be quiet while punches are thrown so they don't ruin the concentration of the brawlers? Are planes allowed to fly over the stadium while the fight is happening?

They asked the president if he had any opinion about the U.S. Open and he said, " it's never been more open. Fuc*k Arizona."

Friday, September 3, 2010

He Has Always Been About The Green

Did you see this story on Jesse Jackson?

Detroit’s Channel 7 reports that the Reverend’s Caddy Escalade SUV was stolen and stripped of its wheels while he was in town last weekend with the UAW’s militant President Bob King leading the “Jobs, Justice, and Peace” march promoting government-funded green jobs.
Read that again: Jackson’s Caddy SUV was stripped while he was in town promoting green jobs.

How awesome.

While the good Reverend was preaching the virtues of "do as I say, not as I do" outside there was a little redistribution of the wealth going on.

Jesse takes the cake.

They may have stripped his car, but Jesse stripped himself of any decency long ago.

From the fake MLK died in my arms story, to the shakedown of corporations unless and until they donated to his organizations, to the kid he had with his mistress, to his hymietown remarks, the man is a moral and ethical disgrace.

But he is a man incapable of shame.

And we are a nation unwilling to shun him.

Here is an excerpt from Jesse's green speech:

We need an economy that creates employment that can't be shipped overseas., Home-grown American labor will be installing windmills and solar panels. A green economy is not an abstract concept.”

Maybe they used the money they got from stripping Jesse's gas guzzler to buy windmills for downtown Detroit.

And maybe the windmill company they start will grow prosperous.

And if it does, they can expect Jesse to come knocking for a donation.

And that my friends, will be the ultimate form of liberal recycling.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Matthews: Obama Needs To "Get Rid Of That Damn Teleprompter"

You would think you would sooner see a Yankee announcer criticize Jeter the tax cheater than see MSNBC (Mostly Showing Nothing But Commies) hack-host Chris Matthews chastise the Condescender in Chief. But even a water carrier like Matthews finds it hard to watch the monotonal grocery- list delivery that is the trademark of every Obama speech.

Just once, someone should slip some Wu Tang Clan lyrics into the Teleprompter and see how long he can go without catching on.

Ape Man

The chatter is getting louder: missing link monkey- boy Yankee Manager Joe Retardi might leave the Yankees for the Cubs. The deciding factor will not be dollars, but whether Chicago has better bananas than the Bronx.

When Retardi was asked to comment, he loudly grunted and flung his shit at reporters.