Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Frisky Business

The Pentagon has just released its study in repealing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."  Hidden deep in the report is the recommendation that soldiers effected by the policy can be transferred from the military to the TSA where they can conduct full body seaches at airports.

Look God, No Hands

Here is the the great Nick DiPaolo on Buffalo Bills wide receiver Steve Johnson, who blamed God after dropping a game winning touchdown pass:

He may believe in God, but he has the hands of Jesus after the crucifixion.

The Stoop Television Network

I've thought of a great idea for a television show.  It will tap into an under served audience and get huge ratings.  There is such a huge Korean population in America.  And they love Korean music.  I want to produce a Korean music television show, where Koreans dance to Korean music, and we have the top music acts from Korea perform.

And we call it Seoul Train.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Take Care of Your Own

With Ireland about to go bust- and its creditors unwilling to accept Guinness to settle up accounts- Stoop pal Andrew weighs in on the debt crisis, and the need for America to look out for us, and fuck foreign aid:  

The Bono Lessons:

I usually get my inspiration while jogging and listening to music. Today it was while listening to U2's "40" and thinking about the sad state of affairs in Ireland. I wonder if Bono woke up this morning, turned on the TV, saw the thousands of his fellow countrymen marching in the streets and thought, "Jeez, maybe I should have devoted all of my charitable efforts to those suffering in my homeland rather than spending millions on people in a far away land?" I'm sure Bono, like most Irish people, has a good heart and, while things were going great in Ireland, he thought he was doing a noble thing. He could comfort himself with that thought. Or he can realize the truth. His country, like many other countries, including the USA, lost track of taking care of their own instead of taking care of others. I mean, of all the people in the world, haven't the Irish suffered enough? Now they are going to be debt ridden to Europe for generations and their poor people are marching in the streets. Maybe Bono should have spent his time helping his own country and maybe he should do that now. If you're reading this and think this is off base, well, wait until the debt crisis happens here. The riots of the 60s might look tame compared to what could happen. If that happens (and we are all praying it won't), will we look back and feel good about the trillions of dollars we poured into far away lands only to be humiliated and insulted in return. Take South Korea, where they are attacked and yet they can't even defend themselves after decades of military support and worse, they insult our President at the G20 summit. Or take Europe where we saved them from fascism and now they look at us in scorn? How about Iraq and the broader Middle East where we got rid of Sadam and now we are enemy number 1? Or Indonesia where our people gave billions of their own money outside of taxpayer dollars and we sent in our Navy yet the Indonesians hate us and blame Obama for not "doing more" to mend so-called Muslim-American relations? The list is endless (Africa, Haiti, etc.).

What have we gotten for all of our kindness and money spent? Not even a "thank you card". Nothing. Think about if we had instead spent all that money and effort in the USA on our people. Don't we deserve it?

Friday, November 26, 2010

Don't Give Me No Lip

So Obama got 12 stitches in his lip from playing pick-up basketball.  I heard he blamed Bush for the floor being wet and that caused the guy to slip and throw the elbow.

The White House says that the president will have no problem communicating with the stitches because no damage was done to the Teleprompter.

Did you know that when Obama plays basketball, if one team gets a big lead, he signs an executive order to redistribute some points to the other team?

Thank God for small blessings. If this injury occurred  next year when Obama Health Care will be in full effect, they would have had to fly him up to Canada to get treatment.  

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Proof That He Doesn't Smoke Crack Anymore

I see said the blind man.  Marion Barry, current DC Councilman, former Mayor, has co-sponsored a bill that would limit the amount of time you could collect welfare.  Five years and you're out.  If it passes, it would remove 7,000 families from the shackles of government dependency.

Let's welcome Da Mayor to the vast right-wing conspiracy.

A distraction of the road to a better DC welfare system

Reagan's Thanksgiving Words..

President Reagan's First Thanksgiving Proclamation:

America has much for which to be thankful. The unequaled freedom enjoyed by our citizens has provided a harvest of plenty to this nation throughout its history. In keeping with America’s heritage, one day each year is set aside for giving thanks to God for all of His blessings. … In this spirit, Thanksgiving has become a day when Americans extend a helping hand to the less fortunate. Long before there was a government welfare program, this spirit of voluntary giving was ingrained in the American character. Americans have always understand that, truly, one must give in order to receive. This should be a day of giving as well as a day of thanks.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

A Slap in the Head

In this era of pussification, with the NFL being so preoccupied with blows to the head, the time is right to give a Stoop Shout Out to the Hall of Famer who pattened the headslap-the Minister of Defense, Deacon Jones. In fact, you cannot by law use the term "headslap" without first saying the words "Deacon Jones."

This clip is hilarious.  Deacon tries to be politically correct in explaining that the headslap could be used against anyone-but somehow I think the National Organization of Women would want him sacked for this.

Mets on the Rocks

So the Mets named Terry Collins as their manager.  My first reaction: Isn't that the name of a drink?  "Hey bartender, I'll have a scotch on the rocks, and give the girl a Terry Collins."

Monday, November 22, 2010

Three Dicks

Last night, Chris Collinsworth must have said "Mike Vick" a thousand times.  The whole world knows him as "Michael", but Christopher Collinsworth has a special insider relationship with him, so he gets to call him Mike.  It's like calling Jordan "Mike Jordan." 

Mike Francesa does the same shit all the time, as Phil Mushnick has consistently pointed out.  Francesa's latest example: when Johnny Bench was coming on his show, he kept referring to him as "John Bench ".

John Bench?  That's like saying "I'm going to appear on the John Carson Show". 

Again, the calculated reason behind it:  I am an insider and I get to call him something different to reflect that insider status.

The worst example of this comes from all-time dickhead Reggie Jackson.

Every October, he makes the media rounds.  And he ALWAYS wants to talk about his relationship with Alex Rodriguez.

 Does he call him "Alex"?  Nah. 

Does he call him "A-Rod"?  Of course not.  That is a name used by the common people.

No, Mr. Dick-Ober refers to him as "Al".

He calls him Al Rodriguez. 

Tell me something.  If someone said to you, "Did you see Al Rodriguez last night?", would you think they were referring to the baseball player?

Of course not.

Only Michael Francesa and Christopher Collinsworth would know what Reginald was talking about.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Our Leader

A tip from the Stoop:

If you ever get discouraged about America's future, do what I do, and watch the latest Chris Christie speech.

The one below will give you hope that there is at least one guy who gets it.  One guy who will fight to do the right thing.  One guy who will go toe to toe with the teacher's union and every other liberal group that needs to have their power rolled back big time.

2012 slogan for Christie:  I Love That Fat Bastard.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Being A Movie Star is Taxing

A judge has finally ordered Wesley Snipes to begin serving his three- year prison sentence for tax evasion.  Apparently, the case stems from Snipes's failure to declare the money he won in pick up basketball in "White Men Can't Jump". 

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Take The Time

We are a week before Thanksgiving- where does the time go?  I know we all have a lot of important things we need to do before the year is out.  But there is one thing we should all do so I want to put out this gentle reminder.

Please don't forget to send a Christmas card to the ACLU.

Let me explain. These petty little people see a Christmas tree in the public square as the biggest threat to America. They spend their spare time counting the sheep in the public square nativity scene to determine that there is enough sheep to offset the baby Jesus and thus meet their crazed definition of a "secular purpose." 

But what can you say about a group that thinks that sheep in a nativity scene violates the constitution, but sex between a man and a sheep is protected by the 4th amendment's right to privacy?

So Christmas, and the public celebration of Christmas drives these people crazier than Charlie Sheen with a pocket full of crack. 

So send them a Christmas card.  You see, when the ACLU gets mail, they hope it's a donation. When they open it up and see that it is a Christmas card, the level of disappointment in the ACLU office must be like the time that these so-called privacy advocates tracked down Robert Bork's movie rentals and it included such salacious titles as "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington & Miracle on 34th Street".

And the more time they spend opening up Christmas cards, the less time they have to file lawsuits to get rid of nativity scenes.
And the more Christmas cards the ACLU receives, the more disappointment we can bring to these Scrooges.

So do your part and wish the ACLU a very Merry Christmas.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Good Time Charlie

There goes Good -Time Charlie at his Dominican villa.  He spends time there when he is not at his four rent- controlled apartments in Harlem.  Charlie rented out the villa and never declared the income on his tax returns.  Charlie says he simply forgot to declare it.  Try using that as an excuse.

Charlie remembered that he owned the place.  He remembered to use it to escape New York winters.  He remembered to rent it out when he wasn't using it.  He remembered to collect the rent and put it in his pocket.  But declaring the income?  It just slipped his mind.

They gave a party for Good-Time Charlie in August.  He turned 80.  The fact that he was a crook was beyond dispute.  But they all showed up anyway to celebrate the life of Good Time Charlie:  Bloomberg, Cuomo, Schumer and a host of others. 

They see him as a man to be honored.

And they hold all the political power in this state.

We are doomed.


Monday, November 15, 2010

Keeping It Real, Yo

I read an excerpt in the Daily News from Jay- Z's new memoir.  In order to "keep it real", and remain true to the hip-hop tradition of sampling, Jay-Z throws in passages from Hemingway & Melville right in the middle of his own paragraphs. 

Obama Over There

Stoop pal Andrew weighs in on Obama's overseas trip, the reaction of the locals ,and how they need to step up their game:  

After the recent national wipeout of the Democrats from the recent elections and the new era of government, it could be easy to gloat and continue to attack the President's policies. But I thought I'd take a moments following the great election of 2010 to instead adopt a little hope for the time being. I will begin by praising the President when he did something two years ago when he was then President-elect that I thought paid tribute to and honored one of my favorite, but little-known and often ignored national traditions. Following the election of 2008, when the financial crisis was at its peak and President Bush took his last trip to Europe, President-elect Obama said clearly that he would honor the tradition of not criticizing the President when he was abroad. And during the time that President Bush was in Europe, Mr. Obama followed that tradition. Perhaps it was the first time that Mr. Obama ever thought about that tradition or perhaps he was employing it because he saw the future and wanted the benefit of that tradition, I don't know. What I do know is that, at the time, I liked it. I have always followed it and thought it was one of the great traditions in America: Don't criticize your President while he is abroad because he is my President represents you and me and if any country has a problem with the President at that time, they have a problem with me. Party affiliation dies when the President is abroad. (I actually also follow the inverse tradition as well--when I am abroad, I defend my Nation from those who disagree regardless of the issue).

So when I recently read that, while he was visiting Indonesia and the rest of Asia, the President has been loudly criticized by many foreigners for purportedly not doing enough to fulfill President Obama's promises to repair Islamic-US relations or, for instance, that the President's economic policies are upsetting China and other non-democracies, I say to those criticizing the President: Baba Booey! First, of course, if those of you reading this in other countries don't know what Baba Booey means or who Baba Booey is, you opinions are irrelevant. Seriously, though, as to the President's alleged failure to repair Islamic-US relations, I say on behalf of America and my President to those in the Islamic world who believe in this criticism that it's your turn to step up. Let's begin with a huge "thank you, Mr. President" for our country's heroic and unprecedented assistance in responding to the 2004 tsunami disaster. Meanwhile, let's see some good ol' fashion steps toward a rejection of extremism and adoption of democracy. Let's see some marches in the streets in Jakarta and Beijing demanding freedom and equality for all, including women. Let's see a protest march and a universal rejection for those who criticize the dude in Indonesia who claims he felt "forced" to shake the First Lady's hand. I mean, are you serious? Is that issue even worth a discussion? As for other criticisms about economic policy, China has more balls than a Christmas tree to attack the President for his response to help his country. To you in Commie land, I say once again Baba Booey.

In short, here's to the President's prompt and safe return to America. At that time, we can get back to the partisan games if we must, but for now--while our President is abroad, let's stick together as one Nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

On November 13, Felix Unger Was Asked to Remove Himself From His Place Of Residence...

It was 40 years ago today that Felix moved in with Oscar (indulge me).      

Not Their Fault

When it comes to crime, this story from Mark Shields  perfectly illustrates the liberal mindset:

Two liberals are walking down the road, when they come upon a man in a ditch, who has been severely beaten, who is bleeding, broken, moaning, left for dead. The one liberal turns to the other and says, “We must find the people who did this. They need help.”

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Michael Vick Getting a "Man of the Year" Award From PETA Makes More Sense....

  The price of gold is about to plummet. And it has nothing to do with Ben (Barbasol Man) Bernanke printing money like some thug rapper "making it rain." Derek the tax cheater Jeter was  just awarded a gold glove. Jeter getting the gold glove is added to the "most undeserving award" list which includes: (1) Milli Vanilli getting a grammy; (2) Obama receiving the Nobel Peace Prize; and (3) whatever won the Oscar over Goodfellas.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Put Him Back In Pinstripes

 Jim Leyritz is on trial in Florida for drunk driving through a red light and killing a woman. Today, the judge denied the prosecutor's request to have the Yankee third base coach testify that Leyritz was known for ignoring the third base coach's stop sign and recklessly barrel his way towards home plate.

From A Mother To A Son

Forget about 9/11, Iraq, Katrina or anything else in George W. Bush's memoir.  The craziest shit that is in there is this:

In the weirdest news item of the day, the New York Post reveals that when George W. Bush was a teenager, his mother, Barbara, showed him her miscarried fetus in a jar. "There's no question that affected me, a philosophy that we should respect life," he tells Matt Lauer in an interview.

His mother showed him her miscarried fetus in a jar?  No wonder why the guy drank himself into Ted Kennedy-like oblivion.

What is nuttier: that she did it, or that he writes about it?

Monday, November 8, 2010

A Telepromper Instead of A Clipboard

I tried watching the President on 60 Minutes last night, but after a few minutes my attention began to wander.  And then it hit me: we have tuned this man out.  Totally. He is like the NBA coach in his fourth job and during timeouts you watch him talk to his team and no one is listening.  No one even gives him any eye contact.  They have  heard the same tired speech more times than Ed McMahon said "Here's Johnny!" So they just zone out until the timeout is over, and  then wander back onto the court.

In short, Obama is Doug Collins, and America is Deshawn Stevenson.

Sunday, November 7, 2010


Today is the NYC Marathon.  One of the Chilean miners is running.  To make him feel more comfortable, marathon officials have let him know that once he crosses the Verrazano Bridge, he can duck into the subway and finish the rest of the course underground.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Who Says He Hasn't Created Jobs?

This is the way it works in the White House:

Obama tells his inner circle that he needs a photo- op to show that he has created jobs.

The next thing you know, he is on his way to India-do you know how many call centers, IT , and financial services jobs have migrated from the U.S. to India?

No wonder why they are throwing out the red carpet for the guy.

They must love him there.

He probably is having the Attorney General, -the guy who looks like Oprah's boyfriend-research the legality of having Dell Service Center people working in India obtain the right to vote in U.S. elections.

Hurting His Credibility?

So they suspended Olbermann for donating money to Democrats?  When I first read it, I thought it was because he did not donate to liberals.  I always assumed that the guy had his whole paycheck wired directly to the Communist Party.  The crazy thing is that there is some NBC executive that thinks that Olbermann donating cash makes him less credible as a political commentator.  Anyway, who watches the fucking show anyway?  The surveillance camera at the Gowanus Projects in Brooklyn has more viewers than Olbermann's show.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Gotta Baby That Arm

Like bedbugs, the pussification of America is everywhere.  The latest assault: high school baseball in New York City.  Specifically, the PSAL just passed a rule that varsity pitchers cannot throw more than 105 pitches in one game.

Some thoughts:

How bout we teach them to be able to count to 105 instead of a pitch count to that number?

Why are we babying these kids?  Let them throw baseballs, snowballs and rocks to their hearts content.

Before you know it, they will pass a law limiting baseball video games to 105 pitches.

Guaranteed five years from now, you are going to turn on the news and some 20 year old will be sitting in some lawyer's office saying that their high school manager let him throw more than a 105 pitches and as a result he blew out his arm.  And oh yeah, he would be in the majors if not for that dreaded breach of the pitch count-and he missed out on $50 million in lost earnings.

So we are teaching kids to be pussies, and we will pay taxpayer cash to settle frivolous lawsuits from this pussy rule.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Election Thoughts Part 1: Obama

He still doesn't get it.  The divider- in-chief does not see the election as a rejection of his radical agenda; he thinks we are just not smart enough to know what's good for us.  The man has a hard time dealing with failure.  But what do you expect from a man who in a three year period went from stapling fliers on telephone poles to the Oval Office?  No one has ever told him he was wrong or not good enough before.    His reaction to the election reminds me of a guy in law school who gets a "B" in on his final exam and then demands that the professor regrade the exam.  (Although the analogy does not quite hold because Obama never did release his law school grades.  I'm sure he did well though, and has chosen not to release them out of modesty.) 

My Kind Of Stimulus

Who says that B. Hussein Obama does not know how to create jobs? 

New Republican members in the House:

Tim Griffin (AR-2)

Cory Gardner (CO-4)

Steve Southerland (FL-2)

Dan Webster (FL-5)

Sandy Adams (FL-24)

Mike Keown (GA-2)

Austin Scott (GA-8)

Adam Kinzinger (IL-11)

Randy Hultgren (IL-14)

Bobby Schilling (IL-17)

Todd Young (IN-9)

Kevin Yoder (KS-3)

Jeff Landry (LA-3)

Andy Harris (MD-1)

Dan Benishek (MI-1)

Bill Huizenga (MI-2)

Justin Amash (MI-3)

Tim Walberg (MI-7)

Alan Numelee (MS-1)

Steven Palazzo (MS-4)

Vicky Hartzler (MO-4)

Frank Guinta (NH-1)

Charlie Bass (NH-2)

Jon Runyan (NJ-3)

Steve Pearce (NM-2)

Michael Grimm (NY-13)

Nan Hayworth (NY-19)

Chris Gibson (NY-20)

Richard Hanna (NY-24)

Tom Reed (NY-29)

Renee Ellmers (NC-2)

Rick Berg (ND-AL)

Steve Chabot (OH-1)

Bill Johnson (OH-6)

Steve Stivers (OH-15)

Jim Renacci (OH-16)

Bob Gibbs (OH-18)

Mike Kelly (PA-3)

Pat Meehan (PA-7)

Mike Fitzpatrick (PA-8)

Tom Marino (PA-10)

Lou Barletta (PA-11)

Charlie Dent (PA-15)

Mick Mulvaney (SC-5)

Kristi Noem (SD-AL)

Scott DesJarlais (TN-4)

Diane Black (TN-6)

Steve Fincher (TN-8)

Bill Flores (TX-17)

Blake Farenthold (TX-27)

Scott Rigell (VA-2)

Robert Hurt (VA-5)

Morgan Griffith (VA-9)

Jaime Herrera (WA-3)

David McKinley (WV-1)

Sean Duffy (WI-7)

Reid Ribble (WI-8)

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

She Must Be High

House Speaker pill-popping Pelosi is delusional. She said this today:

We’re on pace to maintain the majority in the House of Representatives,” Ms. Pelosi told reporters gathered in a second-floor conference room at the Democrats’ headquarter.

She has become Baghdad Bob, or Kevin Bacon at the end of Animal House telling the parade marchers to remain calm:

Monday, November 1, 2010


The quintessential power forward of my youth, Maurice Lucas, passed away yesterday from bladder cancer.  He was 58.

He was the heart and soul of the '77 champion Trail Blazers and also a central figure on the greatest sports book ever written, "The Breaks of the Game" by David Halberstam.   If you haven't read it, you should be sentended to watching the World Cup for the rest of your life.

Anyway, the best tribute to Luke was made by his teammate Bill Walton, who named his son after Lucas.  Knowing how much the concept of team meant to Walton, with UCLA, with the Celtics, etc. how awesome is it that he named his son Luke?  Do you think Kobe has a son named Shaq?  Please.

After the Lakers won the 2009 championship, Walton wrote his son a letter saying how proud he is of him  for being a member of a championship team.  But Walton being Walton, he could not help but compare Luke's Lakers to his own Blazers, and he reminds his son of his namesake.            
Check it out:

Luke, you mentioned the historical reference to your team's abilities. When you get to be my age, trash talking is about all that's left. I fully admit, Luke, that your team is really, really good. Kobe is supreme. Pau, Lamar and Andrew are all top of the line. And Phil Jackson is brilliant.

Right next to your smile on my spirit and soul are the immortal words of Jack Ramsay, who recently said on the 30th anniversary of the 1977 World Champion Blazers in putting that team's abilities in historical context:

"I like our team. We'll take our chances. Anywhere. Anytime. Against anybody."

Blazers in four, Luke. Never forget why you are named after Maurice Lucas.

Love, Dad