Friday, July 30, 2010

Just Wondering

With the Chelsea Clinton wedding this weekend, like everyone else, I'm wondering: who is Bill bringing as his date?

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Make It Happen

It's gonna happen. It's inevitable. So why not make it memorable? I'm talking Alex Roidriguez who is one homer away from 600.

Let's have Bonds, Sosa and McGwire greet him with chest bumps after he rounds the bases.

And get Roger to throw a shattered bat at him.

Maybe we can have Lance Armstrong ride his bike along side A-Roid as he trots around the bases.

And when he gets toward the dugout, Bill Romanowski could spit on him.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Round One

So Judge Bolton issued a preliminary injunction blocking Arizona from implementing its Immigration law. Of course, that is not the last word, but some thoughts:

1) The decision has no basis in law. None. The Arizona law does not pre-empt federal law; it mirrors it. Exactly. Always remember that.

2) Telling Arizona that it cannot enforce its immigration laws because it would produce a strain/drain on the feds is tantamount to a judge saying you can't enforce murder/robbery or any other law because there are not enough jails and therefore it would jam up the judicial system. It's senseless.

3) Obama is the racial arsonist in chief. He poisoned the well early on by saying that "a Hispanic could be walking the down the street eating ice cream with his kid and the police could stop him and ask for his papers." He knew the Arizona law DOES NOT ALLOW that. He just wanted to demonize the good people of Arizona. Never forget that.

4) Bolton was appointed by Clinton. When you elect Clinton & Obama, you end up with Bolton & Sotomayor. In legal jargon, these activist judges are called "the fruit of the poisonous liberal." Ever the more reason to oppose Kagan-real hard. They had Dead Kennedy slander Bork. They had their minions trump up fraudulent sexual harassment charges against Clarence Thomas. And we have Lindsey Graham asking Kagan where she went to dinner for Christmas. Enough.

5) After all the demagoguery by the racial arsonist in the White House, the Justice Department, the left wing press, the ACLU, the libs in Congress, and the rest of that cabal, after all that, 75% of Americans support the Arizona law. That is 3 out of 4. There is strength in numbers, folks.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Sam The Man

The NY Times examines the first 5 years of the Roberts Court today, and while I disagree with many of its assertions, this one it gets right:

Though Chief Justice Roberts gets all the attention, Justice Alito may thus be the lasting triumph of the administration of President George W. Bush. He thrust Justice Kennedy to the court’s center and has reshaped the future of American law.

Everybody talks about Roberts-Scalia & Thomas, and rightfully so. These men (especially Scalia & Thomas) will be carved into the Mount Rushmore of conservative Justices. But Sam Alito slips through the cracks, and his excellence is often overlooked and underrated.

He is like James Worthy was with the Lakers. Everyone remembers Magic & Kareem, but Worthy is a Hall of Famer as well-and who knows how much they would have won without him?

Alito replaced Sandra Day O'Connor-and amen to that.

And remember, Alito wasn't even Bush's first choice-he tried to put his version of Elena Kagan on the Court, Harriet Miers-but conservatives rose up and said "get the fuck out of here with Harriet Miers".

Alito for O'Connor is one of the best trades since the pilgrims bought Manhattan from the Indians.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Quote of the Day

"You know, physically, he was just a pussy," - Mike Tyson on Che Guevara in Details magazine.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Golden State Is Lucky....

Just when you think all athletes are self-absorbed spoiled brats, you read about former New York Knick David Lee below and you realize how wrong you would be. The Knicks may be able to replace his scoring and rebounding, but finding someone to replace him as a man will be impossible.

On Basketball - Traded by Knicks, David Lee Was Still a Team ...

Yogi Can Breathe Easier...

Former Yankee manager Ralph Houk died yesterday. To ensure team attendance, the memorial service will be held at the 40/40 Club.

More Information Please...

Regarding the Shirley Sherrod matter:

In the 24/7 news cycle, she has been first vilified and now martyred. I don't know which position is the right one, and neither do you. But what will give us a better understanding of Ms. Sherrod is a "follow the money" analysis of all government grants/loans etc. that she approved and rejected both at her non-profit jobs and in the Department of Agriculture. The analysis would be able to shed light on whether she has a pattern and practice of denying people access to government subsidies on the basis of race and ethnicity. And if the analysis proves that she treated people equally, she should be praised. If it shows that she discriminated, than she should be removed.

Unfortunately, the Justice Department, which is the agency that would perform the analysis, is headed by Eric Holder, who is so incompetent, he makes Janet Reno look like Clarence Darrow.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

We Are In Serious Jeopardy

You want proof that this country is doomed? Watch the video below. These kids are shown a picture and asked to identify the man in the picture. The man is Ronald Reagan. And none of them could do it.

Whether you like him or not, Reagan is a monumental figure in American history. And he is being written out of our history books in our own lifetimes.

The history classes in American schools spend about 10 minutes on the Cold War. It goes like this "The Soviet Union had their system, and we had ours. Their goal was to bring prosperity to the masses, and they were not able to achieve their goal because of the massive economic pressure applied by the American government. Now let's turn to the rise of Barack Obama.......

Here's hoping that there were 3 horrified fathers that took off their belt and whipped their kids once Trebek went to a commercial....

The New Benedict Arlen

South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham was the only Republican on the Judiciary Committee to vote in favor of Elena Kagan's nomination. Here is his explanation:

But I understood — we lost; President Obama won. The Constitution in my view puts a requirement on me not to replace my judgment for his.”

What a statement. The man says the Constitution does not require him to question Obama's judgment when it comes to Supreme Court nominations? A job with a lifetime appointment, with no means of removal, that makes decisions that affects all of our lives?

And what Obama says goes?

What exactly does "advice and consent" mean?

The woman has never even been a Traffic Court judge.

She exhibited actual animus by throwing the military off campus-at a time when we were fighting two wars.

Graham is as wrong as could be. But if you examine his record--he is an open borders man-- it is no surprise.

He has officially taken Benedict Arlen Specter's place. And what happened to Benedict Arlene should happen to him.

South Carolina: add this man to the unemployment rolls.

Monday, July 19, 2010

You Will Live On....

To the friends of Baldman:

Taking a cue from my fearless leader, Derek Jeter, I want you all to know that should you die before me, I will not attend your funeral. In fact, I am so self absorbed, I will not even realize that your funeral took place. However since there are many ways to honor people, I ask that each of you tape record your voice saying my name: "Alex Baldman". Send the tape to the Stoop. When you die, I will use your voice from the grave on my voicemail. I do that because it is all about you.


Artie Lange, Bob Sheppard & Lawrence Taylor

I found the Artie Lange bit on Bob Sheppard announcing LT's life:

Bigger Fish To Fry

The NAACP has --what a shock-- denounced the Tea Party as racist. I was going to write about it, but Pat Buchanan says all that needs to be said:

If discrimination means favoring people or opposing people based on race, two questions arise. Is that not pretty much the job description of the NAACP? And when has the tea party advocated hirings, promotions or school admissions based on race?

Remarkable. In the black community, the jobless rate is 15 percent, the dropout rate is sometimes 50 percent, the illegitimacy rate is over 70 percent, nearly a million black Americans are in jail, prison or juvenile detention -- and the NAACP is passing resolutions denouncing some guys carrying signs portraying Obama as The Joker.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

A Classy Bunch

It was just too bad that not a single player whose name Sheppard introduced, ever so properly and eloquently, over 57 years as the Yankees' P.A. announcer, was among those paying their final respects to the "Voice of God." Even if one player - certainly one among the former players employed by the team for this very purpose - would have shown up, it would have provided a touch of class... Bill Madden

Where were you Henry?-Goodfellas

Say it isn't so. Bob Sheppard- the man who was the public address announcer at Yankee Stadium since before the microphone was even invented- dies and not one Yankee shows up to his funeral? How can this be? What happened to Yankee tradition? And class? I thought they did everything the right way?

I thought they would have had Bernie Williams playing Ava Maria on his guitar to open the service-that didn't happen?

And have it arranged so that Mariano walked into the church to the sounds of "Enter Sandman".

What about the starting infield? They had to be there-right? I mean the Bleacher Creatures, those wonderfully trained seals, were in the back of the church ready to rhythmically clap and chant their names until they received a tip of the cap from their Yankee heroes. And those players were a no show? Listen, we really have to hand it to those Bleacher Creatures. They put on two shows a day at the Coney Island Aquarium and then take the D train all the way to the Bronx. I hope their trainer throws them a few extra fish for their efforts.

And what about the gorilla-faced monkey-boy Yankee Manager Joe Retardi? He couldn't make it? This missing link of a man blew of the legendary Bob Sheppard's funeral? I know there was a lot of traffic-but he couldn't swing from tree to tree and get there? But to be honest, Retardi has come a long way. One minute he's on the Discovery Channel being harpooned with a tranquillizing dart and fitted with a device to track his movements, the next thing you know, you turn on the YES Network and there he is, making his way to the mound to take out AJ Burnett while Michael Kay says "this call to the jungle is brought to you by Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom". If you look real close, the YES cameras will catch Retardi picking the nits out of his chest.

And speaking of managers, how could they have a solemn church service without Saint Joseph of Torre? With Zim seating next to him giving advice whenever the camera was on them-like in the old days? Saint Joseph walks on water-he couldn't get to a church on Long Island?

Now, if anyone knows about tradition, and respect for Yankee history, it's Roger Clemens. I mean, before every start, right before coming in from the bullpen, wouldn't he wipe his brow with Babe Ruth's cock? That's commitment to excellence right there. Why didn't he show? Did his indictment come down?

And the beloved CORE FOUR. Combined, they have played about 1,000 years with our beloved Yankees. Bob Sheppard has said their names out loud more times than their parents have.

And they blew him off.

Maybe they were taking their cue from the classiest Yankee of them all, Derek "The Tax Cheater" Jeter.

Here is the Jeter's the Tax Cheater's lame statement:

To be quite honest with you, I didn't even know his funeral was (Thursday). Having said that, I don't necessarily think you have to go to a funeral to honor somebody. That's the reason I've recorded his voice throughout the years and I will continue to honor him every time I go to the plate for the rest of my career.

He did not know there was a funeral? What did they think they did with his body, burn it and dump it into the Hudson? As a friend of mine said, "He should have asked me-I knew there was going to be a funeral for Bob Sheppard. Because that is what happens when people die, they have a funeral."

Regarding Jeter's claim that he uses Sheppard's voice to announce his at bats as a way of honoring Sheppard-that is about as valid as Clemens saying Andy (Family Man) Pettite "misremembered" when he testified before Congress and said that Roger hooked him up with steroids.

How exactly is he honoring Sheppard? By having a personalized vanity greeting that no one else on the team gets to have? Sounds like a guy getting an extra perk. Sounds like a guy singling himself out selfishly from the team. Sounds like a guy who wants to honor himself. Sounds like a guy who at this point has less range than Bob Sheppard does at shortstop.

Jeter would have showed if the family agreed to use Bob Sheppard's voice to announced his arrival into the church.

When you consider that the Yankees have been playing baseball since the game was invented, it really is mind-boggling that NOT ONE past or present Yankee showed up to honor Sheppard.

Given the huge volume of former Yankees running around, you would think a couple of them would have stumbled into the church by accident or that Luis Sojo would have had a landscaping business on Long Island and would have stopped by to pay his respects.

But it is never to late to learn how to do the right thing. The classy thing. Even for teams that were owned by a man who, as we speak, is probably wearing his trademark turtleneck while burning in hell right now-as the devil pokes him with a pitchfork shaped with the famous interlocking "NY."

And they could learn by emulating how the Mets handled the death of their version of Bob Sheppard-the beloved Bob Murphy, who died of lung cancer in August 2004.

Here is the New York Times account of Bob Murphy's funeral, which took place at St. Patrick's Cathedral:

In the crowd of about 1,200 in the cathedral were fans in Mets jerseys and T-shirts; current Mets Mike Piazza, Al Leiter, John Franco and Manager Art Howe, and the former Mets Keith Hernandez, Bud Harrelson, Ed Charles and Ed Kranepool.
Ralph Kiner, an original Mets voice like Murphy and the late Lindsey Nelson, was there. So were Joan Hodges and Maxine Agee, whose late husbands and Murphy are forever linked to the 1969 Mets, who won the World Series over Baltimore.

Players were there. Former players were there. Announcers. Widows of Met players and their families. And of course: Met fans.

But the Mets are not the Yankees you see.

And lets hope they never will be.

Friday, July 16, 2010

And Taylor.....

People forget that Bob Sheppard was also the Giants PA announcer. And I may be going out on a limb, but I'm going to take a guess that Wellington Mara was a nicer boss than the convicted felon who owned the Yankees. Anyway, the great Artie Lange had a funny bit on Sheppard and Lawrence Taylor. Lange said that LT was so dominant and was in on every tackle, and as a result every Bob Sheppard call ended with the words "And Taylor". Sheppard would announce: Dorset for two yards... tackle by Carson... Banks... and Taylor....

Lange thought it would be cool if Sheppard followed LT around and announced everything he did. It went like this: "A Dominican Hooker.... An 8 ball of coke...... and Taylor"

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Get Rid Of It

Never forget that this health care law is such a massive runaway entitlement program, that if liberal hero FDR was alive, he would fall out of his wheelchair in disgust.

Wonder If They Found Any Box Cutters From 2001?

Did you see that they found an 18th Century ship at the World Trade Center site? The progress for building a new tower is so slow, it's like they are in a time machine and finding shit from 200 years ago. In the year 2200, look for the WTC workers who will still be building the tower to find bulldozers from 2010 at the site.

What a disgrace with the delays with this tower.

40 years from now it will still be an open pit-with a shining new mosque nearby.

18th-Century Ship Found at Trade Center Site‎ -

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The Bride

Chelsea Clinton's wedding day is approaching, and that made me think of a joke that John McCain used to tell:

Question: Why does Chelsea Clinton look the way she does?

Answer: Because Janet Reno is her father.

When you spend 7 years in a Vietnamese prison camp, you are allowed to tell (funny) jokes like that and remain in public life.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


Dock Ellis has gotta go down as a Stoop Yankee All Star. In April 1977, the Yankees were slumping, and George was busting everybody's balls, probably firing a few secretaries and the elevator operator to show he was the BOSS. Anyway, Ellis commented on the the bright side of losing:

"The more we lose, the more Steinbrenner will fly in. And the more he flies, the better the chance there will be a plane crash.”

Take It Upstairs

I love this tirade-especially how Goose refers to Steinbrenner:

Monday, July 12, 2010

Birds Of Beauty

There is so much in life for you to feel
Unfound in white, red, or yellow pills
A mind excursion can be such a thrill,
You please satisfy,
Take a chance and ride
The bird of beauty of the sky.-Stevie Wonder

Remember that commercial from the 1970's with the Indian with the tear in his eye because of the pollution? I had one of those moments last night.

The federal government-in a brutally efficient manner- invaded my slice of heaven-Prospect Park-and removed and killed all the geese from the lake.

They are all gone.

And unlike the Mossad, they did not even spare one to warn all the future geese.

As anyone who knows me well can attest, I spend a lot of time (every day) in Prospect Park. And an inordinate amount of that free time is spent by the lake admiring the wonders of nature: the geese, swans and ducks.

It's my favorite place in the world to read.

But it has been forever altered.

The reason the feds gave: the geese are dangerous to planes.

Who knew 100 years after the Wright Brothers, that this would pose a problem?

But that is what you get when you have a President who thinks geese are a bigger threat than terrorists when it comes to air safety.

But seriously, the geese in Prospect Park are a great example of how the federal and local governments can never get on the same page.

A couple of weeks ago, a lot of park people noticed there was one goose that had an arrow stuck in its neck. It was horrible and the word went out to try to grab the goose and get it the proper medical attention. After a few weeks of trying, the park rangers were finally able to subdue the goose, get it to the vet, and have the arrow removed.

That goose was returned to the lake-it was a great feel good story.

Little did we know.

That goose was rounded up with the rest of them and killed.

So while the local government was busy saving geese, the feds had plans to kill the very same geese.

Who knew that the geese of Prospect Park would have been better off in the Gulf of Mexico covered in BP oil?

400 Prospect Park Geese Are Killed

It's Over

So after a couple of hours of men running around in short pants, Spain beat the Netherlands (isn't that the name of Michael Jackson's house?) 1-0 in the World Cup. Although, to be fair to the Netherlands, it must be hard to kick a ball and run around when you wear wooden shoes.

Now go away for four years.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Free At Last

Leave it to Jesse to cry racism in a crowded theater:

The Rev. Jesse Jackson says Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert sees LeBron James as a "runaway slave" and that his comments after the forward decided to join the Miami Heat put the player in danger.....Jackson says Gilbert's comments "personify a slave master mentality"...

Much like the living / breathing constitution, the definition of runaway slave has changed with time. It used to mean a person sold into bondage and defined by law as property that escaped to freedom. It now means-according to Jesse- when a person decides to reject a $100 million dollar job in one state in order to accept a $100 million job in another state.

I almost feel sorry for Jesse. The Reverend Al has taken over the lion's share of the race racketeering business, and the White House is occupied by a black man, which leaves Jesse with very little to do.

With all that extra free time, you would think Jesse could have put it to good use by spending quality time with the child the very married Jesse had out of wedlock with the woman who worked for him in one of the very honorable organizations run by the good reverend.

Maybe he should introduce himself to the kid and take him to see Lebron play in Miami.

"He's Dead. Dead."

Bob Sheppard dead at 99. When George head the news, he asked his secretary to get Billy Martin on the line because he wanted to break the news to him personally. The poor bastard worked until he was 97. The Yankees finally got around to announcing his retirement last November. Below is the Stoop post on Sheppard's retirement:

"I'm Done. Done."

Did you see that Bob Sheppard has announced that he is retiring as the Yankee public address announcer? I wonder, did he make his retirement announcement over the Yankee public address system in the third Yankee Stadium? How cool would it have been to hear that:

"I announce that I quit. I quit".

Talk about things that are past due- the guy is going to be 100 years old next year! That means he has been cashing social security checks since Mickey Mantle was playing.

The guy is so old, he got his last name from his previous occupation.

When Sheppard first started announcing, the PA system wasn't even invented yet. He would open the press box window and yell at the top of his lungs.

Imagine the poor bastard who was Sheppard's backup? Every winter he probably thought, "I'm finally gonna get the job".

That guy probably died years ago.

Bob Sheppard held on to his job for so long, he makes Cal Ripken look lazy.

I tell you, Sheppard was either the most dedicated person who ever lived or outright crazy.

Think about it: Say your 90 years old. Are you gonna travel to the Bronx for ANY REASON WHATSOEVER?

And after commuting to the Bronx, you have to work? And since baseball has no clock, you never know when the workday is finished- who would do that?

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Hard To Swallow

Steve Somers of WFAN had on Nathan's Hot Dog Eating contest winner Joey Chestnut. He asked: "Tell me Joey, can you eat Luis Castillo's contract?"

Just Admit It

The Yankees issued a statement from George Steinbrenner the other day thanking everybody for the kind birthday wishes. In a related development, they also issued another statement, from Lou Gehrig, reminding Yankee fans to not drink and drive.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

She is Like Yaz

The great Nick Dipaolo on Elena Kagan:

Moderate my ass. If she was any more to the left she would be standing in front of the Green Monster.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010


I will be back on Friday....

Friday, July 2, 2010

Glenngary Glen Ross Soviet-Style: Pursuit of Lebron


This is the talk Mikhail Prokhorov had with Avery Johnson prior to the Nets meeting with Lebron:

Let me have your attention for a moment. 'Cause you're talkin' about're talkin' 'bout...bitchin' about free agency.., some son of a bitch don't want to sign with the Nets, somebody don't want what you're selling, so forth, let's talk about something important.

(Sees Avery Johnson pouring vodka). Put that Vodka down! Vodka's for closer's only. You think I'm fuckin' with you? I am not funkin' with you. I'm here from Moscow. I'm here for Vladimir Putin. And I'm here on a mission of mercy.

Your name's Avery Johnson?

Avery Johnson: Yes.

You call yourself a coach, you son of a bitch?

Avery Johnson: I don't gotta listen to this shit.

You certainly don't pal 'cause the good news is you're fired. The bad news is you got , just one week to regain your job, starting with tonight, starting with tonight's meeting with Lebron. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to the free agent market. As you all know, first prize is Lebron. Anybody want to see second prize? Second prize is Eddie Curry. Third prize is you're sent to THE GULAG. You get the picture? You laughing now? You got a meeting with Lebron.. Putin & Prokhorov paid good money for the Nets to get Lebron to sign a contract. You can't close the deal with Lebron, you can't close shit, you are shit, hit the bricks pal and beat it 'cause you are going to THE GULAG.

You can't play in the man's game, you can't close out Lebron? Then go home and tell your wife your troubles. Because only one thing counts in this life. Get Lebron to sign on the line which is dotted! You hear me you fuckin' faggot?

ABC. A, Always, B, Be, C, Closing. Always be closing. Always be closing. AIDA. Attention. Interest. Decision. Action. Attention. Do you have Lebron's attention? Interest. Is Lebron interested? I know he is 'cause it's fuck or walk. You close or you hit the Gulag, comrade. Decision. Has Lebron made his decision for Christ? And action. AIDA. Get out there. You got Lebron coming in, you think he's coming in to get out of the rain? Lebron doesn't meet with you lest he wants to sign with the Nets. He's sitting out there waiting to take my money. Are you going to make him take it? Are you man enough to make him take it? (To Avery Johnson) What's the problem, pal?

Avery Johnson: You, boss, you're such a hero, you're so rich, how come you're coming down here and wasting your time with a bum like me?

You see this watch? You see this watch?

Avery Johnson: Yeah.

That watch costs more than your House. I made 15 BILLION dollars last year, how much you make? You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father. Fuck you, go home and play with your kids. You want to work here, SIGN LEBRON. You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cock-sucker! You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get from Pat Riley? If you don't like it, leave. I can go out there tonight, and get Lebron to sign. In two hours. Can you? Can you?

Go and do likewise. Get mad you son-of-a-bitch. Get mad. You know what it takes to sign Lebron? It takes brass balls to sign Lebron. Go and do likewise. The money's out there for Lebron, you get him to sign. If you don't, I got no sympathy for you. You want to go out in that meeting with Lebron and close, close, it's yours, if not, you're going to be shining my shoes in the Gulag. And you know what you'll be saying. A loser sitting around in the Gulag: ''Oh yeah, I used to be in the NBA. It's a tough racket.''

Heir Coryell

I just read that Don Coryell died. My first reaction was "I thought he was already dead". That ever happen to you? It happened recently when Art Linkletter died as well. Years ago, I thought of a game show "Dead or Alive?" in which you give the contestants names of people who have not been in the public eye for years and they have to guess whether the person was dead or alive. If the person was alive, and the contestant thought they were dead, you have the old fuck show up from behind a curtain. I thought of this game show idea about 10 years ago, when a friend and I both swore that Buddy Ebsen was dead, and we looked him up on the Internet and not only was he alive, he was selling paintings via the Internet! We were blown away that a guy we thought was dead was not only alive, but was using the most modern of all technologies to earn a living.