Friday, July 2, 2010

Glenngary Glen Ross Soviet-Style: Pursuit of Lebron


This is the talk Mikhail Prokhorov had with Avery Johnson prior to the Nets meeting with Lebron:

Let me have your attention for a moment. 'Cause you're talkin' about're talkin' 'bout...bitchin' about free agency.., some son of a bitch don't want to sign with the Nets, somebody don't want what you're selling, so forth, let's talk about something important.

(Sees Avery Johnson pouring vodka). Put that Vodka down! Vodka's for closer's only. You think I'm fuckin' with you? I am not funkin' with you. I'm here from Moscow. I'm here for Vladimir Putin. And I'm here on a mission of mercy.

Your name's Avery Johnson?

Avery Johnson: Yes.

You call yourself a coach, you son of a bitch?

Avery Johnson: I don't gotta listen to this shit.

You certainly don't pal 'cause the good news is you're fired. The bad news is you got , just one week to regain your job, starting with tonight, starting with tonight's meeting with Lebron. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to the free agent market. As you all know, first prize is Lebron. Anybody want to see second prize? Second prize is Eddie Curry. Third prize is you're sent to THE GULAG. You get the picture? You laughing now? You got a meeting with Lebron.. Putin & Prokhorov paid good money for the Nets to get Lebron to sign a contract. You can't close the deal with Lebron, you can't close shit, you are shit, hit the bricks pal and beat it 'cause you are going to THE GULAG.

You can't play in the man's game, you can't close out Lebron? Then go home and tell your wife your troubles. Because only one thing counts in this life. Get Lebron to sign on the line which is dotted! You hear me you fuckin' faggot?

ABC. A, Always, B, Be, C, Closing. Always be closing. Always be closing. AIDA. Attention. Interest. Decision. Action. Attention. Do you have Lebron's attention? Interest. Is Lebron interested? I know he is 'cause it's fuck or walk. You close or you hit the Gulag, comrade. Decision. Has Lebron made his decision for Christ? And action. AIDA. Get out there. You got Lebron coming in, you think he's coming in to get out of the rain? Lebron doesn't meet with you lest he wants to sign with the Nets. He's sitting out there waiting to take my money. Are you going to make him take it? Are you man enough to make him take it? (To Avery Johnson) What's the problem, pal?

Avery Johnson: You, boss, you're such a hero, you're so rich, how come you're coming down here and wasting your time with a bum like me?

You see this watch? You see this watch?

Avery Johnson: Yeah.

That watch costs more than your House. I made 15 BILLION dollars last year, how much you make? You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father. Fuck you, go home and play with your kids. You want to work here, SIGN LEBRON. You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cock-sucker! You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get from Pat Riley? If you don't like it, leave. I can go out there tonight, and get Lebron to sign. In two hours. Can you? Can you?

Go and do likewise. Get mad you son-of-a-bitch. Get mad. You know what it takes to sign Lebron? It takes brass balls to sign Lebron. Go and do likewise. The money's out there for Lebron, you get him to sign. If you don't, I got no sympathy for you. You want to go out in that meeting with Lebron and close, close, it's yours, if not, you're going to be shining my shoes in the Gulag. And you know what you'll be saying. A loser sitting around in the Gulag: ''Oh yeah, I used to be in the NBA. It's a tough racket.''

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