If They Only Had A Brain

"Democrats are an opinionated bunch. You know, the other side, they just kinda sometimes do what they're told. Democrats, y'all thinkin' for yourselves." President Obama @ a NYC fundraiser 10-21-09

I love it. The Prez said Democrats "think for themselves"? Is he smoking pot again? Someone must check this man's cigarettes. He might be stuffin it with some wacky tobaccy.

Truth be known, I was going to write a book about the mind of the average liberal Democrat. I was going to call the book "An Idiot's Guide To Being An Idiot" But once I started analyzing it, I quickly realized that a book would be a way to long a format to discuss such a simple and closed-minded subject. In fact, everything you ever wanted to know about the average liberals mind could be scrawled on a bathroom wall.

OK. Here it is. (I was going to say "In a nutshell" but again, the entire analysis is smaller than a nutshell.)

Inside The (Closed) Liberal Mind

I've long- been convinced that a lot of American liberals vote the way they do and take the positions they way they do because of a misguided attempt to feel good about themselves. "Look at me, I am virtuous because I support x." (If you took a picture of yourself voting for Obama and posted it on Facebook, don't worry, I am not talking about you.)

The liberal mind does not analyze individual issues on a case by case basis. There is a formula they use to do the thinking for them. It is old and tired. But here it is:

Basically, liberals feel whoever has the most perceived power in any situation is wrong. Just has to be wrong. That is the liberal model. They see just about every issue through that narrow, skinnier than a supermodel prism.

That means corporations are always wrong when it comes to disputes with individuals. That means labor unions are always right in disputes with corporations or local governments. That means Israel is always wrong visa vie the PLO. And of course, the grand daddy of them all, the U.S. use of military force is always wrong. Your talking the most powerful country using its most powerful weapon. That's an easy one for a liberal. Sort of like a no-brainer for the no brain user.

Every issue gets put through the equation. Oil drilling in Alaska? Who has more power, the Alaskan seal or the Alaskan voter? You see how easy it is? You put the issue through the equation, it spits out the answer, and before you know it, you're riding the subway with a "Save The Alaskan Seal" button attached to your knapsack that is filled with Noam Chomsky books that you somehow NEVER get to finish.

In using the formula, the tired and worn-out simpleton's formula, you will see why liberals are the "Quadruple A" party:

Abortion

Affirmative Action

Anal Rights

Anti-Military

When it comes to diversity of ideas, and thinking for yourself, the Democratic Party is a small tent party. Very small. If you deviate just slightly, and think for yourself and don't use the formula, you will find yourself very quickly outside the tent.

Why is that? Because although the tent is very small, it is extremely crowded. Anyone can join. They don't check your ID. That would be too intimidating. And once you come in, you get to use the formula all the time, you get hooked up with welfare, health care, and spread the wealth stimulus cash, you get to sit during the National Anthem and pretend that it is a noble thing to do, you can start the next ACORN and earn your stripes as a community organizer, because, you know, you really care about people, and we should all know that, and as a final perk, you get to go to all the anti-war rallies that your bleeding liberal heart desires.

But there is only one requirement to getting in the tent.

You have to leave your brain at the door.