Sunday, October 11, 2009

Some Guys Have All The Luck

When I heard that President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize, it reminded me of the time Milli Vanilli won a Grammy and when Rafael Palmerio won the Gold Glove Award for 1st base 1999.

The problem, of course, is that those Vanilli guys never sang a lick, and they won an award for singing, and Raffy was a designated hitter when he won the award for fielding.

Think about it: you have to be pretty lucky to win a singing award when you can't sing, a fielding award when you didn't field, and a peace award when you make your nation less safe.

But, some of us are luckier than others. When playing blackjack, some of us can hit on 17 and pull a 4.

Some of us can begin our political careers by having a fundraiser in the living room of a man who was a domestic terrorist and planted bombs in public buildings throughout America in the '60's & '70's.

Some of us can get away with that by saying "I barely know the guy. "

Most people, when they become law professors, have to publish scholarly articles.

But some of us can teach in law schools for 14 years without publishing a single word.

Most people, when they run for President, are forced to reveal their college and grad school transcripts. (Hence, President G.W. Bush, was called a "C student".)

But some of us, when running for President, can refuse to release any academic transcript, and yet still be called a brilliant scholar.

Most senators who run for President, have major legislative achievements to point too.

But some senators, can run for President after being in office for only 2 years with no legislative achievements and actually win.

For most people, if they ran for President, and were found to be a member of a church for 20 years where the pastor preached racial hatred and animus to the U.S., their political careers would effectively end.

But some of us can get away with it by asserting: Yes, I sat in that church for 20 years. And no, I did not hear a thing.

Some Presidents can have the press spend 8 fruitless years trying to substantiate baseless rumors that the President was a cocaine abuser.

Other Presidents can admit in their memoirs of using cocaine, and are lucky enough to not have a single member of the press investigate it further.

Most people, if they ran for President and said in a speech that they have campaigned in "all 57 states" would be ridiculed.

Yet other people, while running for President make the same assertion, but are lucky enough to be excused as "tired" or "exhausted" from the long campaign trail.

Most presidential candidates who make a vow to except public financing should they be the nominee, and break that vow when they are the nominee, are lambasted by the press for lying.

Yet, others who break the same vow are lucky enough to have the press give them a pass.

Some Presidents can (JFK) go to Berlin and give a speech singing the praises of American virtue.

Yet some Presidential candidates go to Berlin and give a speech that criticizes America and yet is lucky enough to be not taken to task on the home front.

Most American Presidents would have loved the opportunity to give at the very least vocal support and encouragement to those brave Iranians who took to the streets in search of freedom.

Yet, some American Presidents are afraid to offend the "Supreme Leader" of Iran and thus refuse to give any support to the Iranian protesters.

Most American President's would be facing Congressional Hearings and an avalanche of criticism if his choice to head public school security for the nation violated state law by failing to report to criminal authorities that a male under aged student informed him that he had sex with an adult male he met in a public bathroom. He even told the kid " I hope you used a condom."

Yet other Presidents are lucky enough to walk between raindrops and can appoint the same man and nary a discouraging word is heard.

For most Presidents, it is inconceivable to even imagine that they would contemplate prosecuting CIA agents that roughed up Khalid Sheik Muhammad, the mastermind of the deadliest attack on U.S. soil in American history. Moreover, by roughing up this beast, these CIA agents saved countless lives by thwarting future attacks.

While most would pin a medal of honor on these CIA agents, some Presidents appoint Attorney Generals that want to prosecute these heroes, and yet, the fallout is minimal-so far.

Most Presidents, if they nominated someone for the Supreme Court who gave numerous speeches that said: "I would hope that a wise white male, with the richness of his experiences, would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a Latina woman who hasn't lived that life"- such a nomination would be an abomination, and would never make it through the Senate Judiciary Committee.

Yet, some Presidents, if you just switch the words of the nominee slightly above and replace "wise white male" with "wise Latina woman" and vice-versa, that Supreme Court nomination would sail through smooth waters.

You get the picture by now.

Man, would I love to go to Atlantic City with Barack Obama.

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