Monday, January 18, 2010

Booze & Babies: An Open Letter To (Some) Park Slope Parents

The NYT in the article below takes on a local practice that the Stoop finds unconscionable: parents bringing their infants to bars in Park Slope.

Consider this an open letter to these parents:

Dear Selfish, Obama Voting, Change We Can Believe In, Negligent Parents:

I know it sucks that the West Indian nanny (who hates your guts) that you severely underpay to raise your kids has the audacity to ask for one day off a week. Life is hard in that way, I know.

But for those 24 hrs. when the nanny is not teaching your kid the Queen's English, you actually have to be the child's parent. And I know the Guide To Progressive Parenting says you should do things with your kid-but somehow (I hope) I don't think they mean you should take the little tyke to a local bar while you are getting your booze bag on.

How selfish can you be? Don't you know people go to bars to specifically not interact with your kid? Its a place where adults gather-why do you think you never see Michael Jackson, Roman Polanski or R. Kelly at a bar?

Since its a place that adults gather, you will find language, behavior and situations that are not child appropriate-even a child as bright as your kid, and I know your kid is really smart, cause that is all you ever talk about.

So its a pretty bad deal all around, it sucks for adults, and it sucks for your kid.

Take the little bastard to a movie or the park.

Your kid should be eating jello, not jello shots.

Something is really wrong when your designated driver was born in 2008.

You need to do some soul-searching if you are more concerned about free- range chicken than raising a de-ranged child.

Call me crazy, but I think when a two year old knows all the lyrics to The Doors "Road House Blues" it is more of a sign of sh*tty parenting than child intelligence.

Now, if you feel really strongly about permitting under-aged kids in bars, don't worry, time will fly by and before you know it, your little bundle of joy will soon be the teenager sneaking behind your back and drinking in the same bar where you currently give him a video game to keep him busy while you get your load on.

Or, if you are the real progressive type, your soon to be teenager won't have to sneak behind your back; I'm sure you will be sharing your pot with the future stoner.

But until that time, put down the blackberry, as well as the blackberry brandy, and take the kid out of the bar.

Oh, one last thing: If you change your kid's diaper on a table in a bar, you should be found guilty of a hate crime.


Complaint Box Baby Barflies


mordicai said...

It is weird to me, as a person in Park Slope without kids, how much people without kids like to throw around insults at people with kids. Which, I dunno, seems to me like the really entitled ones are the people who feel the need to tell other people how to live their life. "Hey, this is my bar, I can tell other people what they should & shouldn't do in it!"

For me, it is pretty simple. If your kid is crying, take it away from me. If your kid shits itself, take it away from me. If you don't want your kid to hear me say "shit" then take it away from me. The same thing holds true for adults; if you are going to cry or talk on your cellphone, go away from me. If you want to shit yourself go away, too. Etc.

It boils down to "don't be a jerk." Whether or not you have a kid.

I have never seen or heard of a parent actually changing their kids diaper at a bar; that is pretty disgusting. I have to say, a lot of the joke/arguments you make would be right on, if they weren't straw men.

Anonymous said...

problem with kids in bar huh, guess you've never spent too much time in europe or latin america or other places where social life is not so segregated by age.

Anonymous said...

Um, no never did time in Euope or Latin America or other places where social life is not so segregated by age. If that's what these parents are looking for then let them high tail it over we'll be reading another horror story how parents here left their children chained up to their strollers while they dined and drank indoors....

Alex Baldman said...

social life not segregated by age? No wonder Polanski is such a hero in France.

Anonymous said...

As a parent who sometimes brings my small baby to a bar, don't judge my lifestyle and I won't judge yours. I don't bring him to any bar, there are a few that are baby/child friendly, and we go there. You like everything about that bar except the fact they allow kids? Guess what, you don't like that bar. There are plenty of bars where parents don't bring their kids. If babies in bars bothers you so much, go to one of those.

Alex Baldman said...

Ah,the judgment card. Don't you realize when you say "I don't judge lifestyles" you are making a judgment?