Friday, January 29, 2010

Hold A Draft

In the State of the Union address, the President claimed that he wants to reach out across the aisle and work with Republicans. If he is serious, he will get rid of those Chairman Mao admirers that he surrounds himself with and take this advice from the Stoop:

Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens, who will turn 90 in a few months, began his career as the bass player in Led Zeppelin before moving on to the Supreme Court. But all bad things must come to an end, and he will retire soon. Baldman has conducted extensive research, and has come up with 9 candidates to fill the Stevens seat. Each candidate has impeccable credentials. Since it is so hard to choose one candidate from this amazing group, Baldman recommends that Obama hold an NBA-STYLE draft lottery with each name in an envelope. If Obama holds the draft on live television, it will satisfy the American appetite for "reality TV" while also giving the PREZ a chance to engage in one of his precious "teachable moments".

Because Obama is a firm believer in transparency, he should publicly reveal each of the 9 candidates by having them come out from behind the curtain moments before the draft. It would be Obama channeling his inner- David Stern as he calls each of the candidates below to the podium:

Ann Scalia

Eugene Scalia

John Scalia

Catherine Scalia

Mary Clare Scalia

Paul Scalia

Matthew Scalia

Christopher Scalia

Margaret Scalia

Each one has an impeccable qualification: their father is Justice Scalia. Trust me, we can't go wrong no matter who wins the lottery.

Your move, Mr. Prez.

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