Put Him In The Bathroom

Eddie Mush was a degenerate gambler. He was the world's biggest loser. He was "Mush" because everything he touched turned to mush. At the track, the teller would give him his tickets ripped up. -A Bronx Tale

The Kentucky Wildcats were riding high. They were undefeated, the number one team in all of college basketball. The sky was the limit. Or so they thought. Yesterday, Kentucky Coach John Calipari received the dreaded phone call. From Obama. He congratulated Calipari on having the best team in the country. You know what, some phone calls you are better off not taking. A few hours later, Kentucky played a horrible South Carolina team. And lost. Chicago was going to get the Olympics. Then Obama took the reins and spearheaded the bid. Chicago lost. Corzine had Jersey locked up. He trots out Obama. And then he lost. Coakley had a 30 point lead and Obama by her side. And she lost fathead Ted's seat. He probably called Conan and congratulated him when he took over the Tonight Show. What a mush.

Mush: I'm betting on Sonny.

Sonny: I don't want your money touching mine.

Mush: What, it's counterfeit? My money's no good no more? Why?

Sonny: Because you're a fucking jinx, that's why! Put him in the bathroom! Get him out of here! Get in there, you fucking loser mutt! Leave him in there!