Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The Weather Report From The Stoop

So the world's leaders met last week in Copenhagen to discuss the weather. Out of this most solemn of meetings, the group consensus was that the United States is a pretty messed-up country. The current President of the U.S, Barack Obama, did not deny that the U.S. is a horrible country, he actually agreed with the assessment, but he assured the leaders of both the free & the un-free world that because of him, Barack Obama, the U.S. is going to be a country that they will look favorably upon.

And the thing that will make these countries look favorably upon the U.S. is prior U.S. Presidents. Specifically, a couple of dead ones. More specifically the dead Presidents that appear on U.S. currency. And the transfer of such currency to the countries that are at this moment, not real big fans of the USA.

Out of the weather meeting in Copenhagen came the idea that dictators like Castro & Chavez and Communist countries like China need cash from the U.S. so they don't chop down too many trees.

The actual dollar amount is $100 billion. A year. And that is just a start, a minimum commitment.

Now one of the big problems is the undeniable fact that the U.S. does not have the cash on hand. We are more busted than a blackjack player who hits on 16 and draws a king. So the U.S. has to borrow the money. From China. And part of the money we borrow from China, we will give back to China as a gift. So we will pay back all of the money we borrow from China with interest, and also throw them many billions of dollars that we borrow from them as a gift. If you think this sounds like you borrowing $100,000 from a bank and you pay the whole thing back to the bank at 6% interest, plus you give the same bank $40,000 for free as a gift, you would be correct.

So that is one problem.

Another problem is the billions of dollars we will be pouring into the bank accounts of Chavez, Castro, etc. We are essentially bribing Third World dictators to not chop down trees, build windmills and bicycle lanes, and build 40 foot Al Gore statues for their people to worship.

But, say they decide to take the money and not do what they agree to do? I mean part of the cool thing about being a dictator is that you do not have to listen to anybody. Nobody can tell you what to do, that is why you got into the dictator business.

So what happens then? Do we send in peace keepers, lets call them green peace keepers, and chain them to the trees in Zimbabwe so that Mugabe does not chop them down?

Do we have a Bay of Pigs II where we send in the green peace keepers to storm Cuba to furiously paint bicycle lanes in the streets of Havana?

Bottom line: the idea that a broke America will send $100 billion a year to dictators to bribe them into doing the right thing is insane.

Bernie Madoff's scam was more acceptable than this one.

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