Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Won't Get Fooled Again

I have to admit, I was a believer. I bought into it. I was fooled by the cool sunglasses, the walkie talkies, and the ear piece thingy. I believed they were competent. And I was wrong.

I'm talking about the Secret Service. The secret is out. And the secret was a lie.

How in the world can two uninvited, unlisted, unknown people stroll right into the White House and get FACE to FACE with the President of the United States?

Jesus & Mary, help us all. Who knew breaking into the White House was as easy as an illegal alien crossing the Mexican border? (My bad, for liberals on the Stoop, please think the words "undocumented persons" whenever you see the words "illegal alien". Don't want to upset you. And happy holidays to you as well.)

Great Dennis Miller joke: Borders Book Store has better security than our borders.

You see the Secret Service tried to play it down by saying that they were checked for weapons, so no harm could have occurred?

Please. You don't need a conventional weapon to be a danger to the President. What if they picked up a lamp and bashed the President's head? What if they went Tyson and bit his ear off? Hit him with a Chinese star? Punched him in the throat like Gerry Cooney did to Ken Norton in the Garden? Head-butted him, like John Starks did to Reggie Miller? The possibilities for violence are endless, and for the Secret Service to shrug it off speaks to their incompetency.

Here is what should happen:

1) The Secret Service should be replaced by the people who provided security to Led Zeppelin in the 70's. Those bastards were ruthless, and no one got close to Page/Plant unless they had prior clearance.

2) This couple should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Lying to a federal official, etc.

3) After they pay their debt to society, they should be hired as security consultants by the federal government. I'm serious. The government needs more creative types within its ranks, the motivated criminal minded people who might be able to tell where the next scam/scheme is coming from.

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