Thursday, November 12, 2009

Wish List

I just read that the Bloomberg Administration is spending a lot of cash to revitalize Coney Island. Good idea. Coney Island is like Bill Walton when he was on the Celtics-still great, but in need of a little help.

After reading about the Coney Island project, it got me thinking what else I would want for Brooklyn. Here goes:

First and foremost, I want the goddamn Nets in downtown Brooklyn. I love that the new Net owner, the Russian billionaire, has enough money to make Bloomberg middle class.

Its a travesty that Brooklyn doesn't have a pro sports team. Its like Ireland without Guinness: hard to conceive.

All these opponents of the Nets moving to Brooklyn, give them their own commune in Gravesend or something.

When the Nets break ground in Brooklyn, Baldman will be the fat guy at the photo-op with a shovel in the ground. Or he may be the guy with the super-duper sized scissors at the ribbon cutting ceremony. Either way, afterwards, we go to Juniors to celebrate.

Once we get the Nets, we get Lebron. I don't care if we have to give him the Williamsburg Savings Bank building -which I think Magic Johnson owns- to get him. Maybe we can get Magic to trade it for the Park Slope Food Co-op. It would be his greatest assist ever.

If Jay Z gets Lebron to come to Brooklyn, I will fill my Ipod with his songs?, if that is what they are called, and will sing his praises for the rest of my days. In fact, it will be easy to sing his praises, I just will learn the lyrics to his "songs" where he sings his own praises.

Now I also want Bernard King to have a no show job with the Nets. For life. Cash for nothing. Cause we still owe him.

After we get the Nets, I have some other things on my wish list.

I want the main branch of the Brooklyn Public Library open 24 hours. Non- stop learning for those who want it. What can be wrong with that?

Next, I want the subway platforms in Brooklyn to be air conditioned. Even if it takes going into Bloomy's pockets to get it done. As was once said about Evander Holyfield: "He has enough money to air condition hell."

I would never be classified as a tree hugger, but get rid of the cars in Prospect Park. Just make those 565 acres off limit. Cars can have the rest of Brooklyn.

I would limit the number of strollers per households in Park Slope to 1. Nowadays, the average family in Park Slope has 1.2 kids and 3.8 strollers, plus a West Indian nanny. The math is killing me. Ever get on a bus with a bunch of strollers? Its like the Berlin Wall was rebuilt on the B-67.

In the 70's I could probably name at least one family on each block from 11th Street to President Street that had at least 5 kids in each family. And no strollers. And when you said "Nanny" it meant somebody's grandmother, not "the woman who is severely underpaid to perform motherly duties."

So that's the interim Brooklyn wish list. It's non-negotiable.

Unless Lebron says otherwise.

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