Quote of the Day

It's 9:30, Dick Clark should begin his countdown within ten minutes if he wants to hit the mark at midnight.-Jim Norton

What Baldman Drinks On New Year's Eve.....

Look-A-Likes: Ed Bradley & G.I. Joe Doll

The Mayor Stands Small

Three days after the snow storm, and I can still see Sarah Palin's house from my stoop.  I wonder what the city is worse at, running a bookmaking operation (OTB) or shoveling snow?  What a cluster fuck.  Who knew Bloomberg's ban on salt extended to salt spreading snow plows?  And it ain't just side streets.  Major streets/avenues look like a Vermont ski town.  On Monday, the midget mayor suspended alternate side of the street parking but did not suspend parking meters.  The snow was higher than the meter, but under the punishment of a fine, you still had to feed the meter.  That's our business-minded midget mayor for ya.  He treats parking meters like the Bloomberg terminals that he made him a midget billionaire: a cash- generating source of revenue.

Here's a plan for snow storms: if you get welfare, you have to report to the nearest sanitation department and grab a shovel.  If you don't show up, you don't get your check that week.

Set Plaxico Free!

The Giants play at Green Bay this week in a virtual playoff game.  The last time they played at Green Bay was the 2007 NFC Championship game, which is remembered for:

1) the coldest game played in NFL history;

2) Tom Coughlin's face turning various shades of red and purple in the below zero frozen tundra; and

3) Plaxico Burress dominating the Pack with 11 catches for 154 yards.

Plax won't be there Sunday because he is sitting in jail for shooting himself.  Adam Carolla weighs in above in his own unique way on why Plax should have never been jailed.  

Bernie

It was 26 years ago today that Bernie Goetz fought back against his would be muggers.  Looking back, it was a turning point in New York City history.  Crime had reached record levels: the muggings, shootings, drugging, raping and robbing & killing had devastated the public. When Bernie turned the tables on the choir boys looking to rob him, it stuck a chord with millions of New Yorkers.  We had had enough.  The quality of life had diminished greatly because of crime, and the inept response the city had in stopping it.

Bernie Goetz fought back.  And in doing so, he showed  that it was possible to take a hard line against violent criminals.  Our tolerance for politicians who coddled criminals wore thin after Bernie.  Eventually, we were able to put Rudy in office, and he cracked down against crime both big and small.

But it all started with a mild mannered man on the subway 26 years ago today.

Thank you Bernie Goetz, a true New York hero.

    

No Balls

Apparently, the UCONN girl's basketball team has won 88 games in a row, and the progressive gods of liberal equality are claiming that if they win their next game, they will break the men's record held by John Wooden's UCLA team.

And in a related story, a 10-year-old boy in California just broke Hank Aaron's home run record.

Stop with this nonsense that the UCONN girl's team is comparable to UCLA or any other men's team.

It is different because they are different.

Biology matters. That's why we have separate bathrooms, and that's why we give up a seat on a train to a pregnant woman.

The mindless liberal argument: both UCLA and UCONN play college basketball so therefore UCONN girls winning 89 games in a row trumps UCLA men winning 88 in a row.

Really?  There is no difference?  If there is no difference, how come UCONN just happened to schedule every game during the winning streak against other girl's teams?  That must have been just a random coincidence, right?

Please.

I will believe that the UCONN girls broke the UCLA record when you show me a girl who can block Kareem-Abdul-Jabbar's sky hook.

UCONN lacks balls-literally.

UCONN= U Clearly Own No Nuts

What is the UCLA message to UCONN?  U Clearly Lack A (SET OF BALLS).

And therein lies all the difference.

She Knows Best....

I heard Michelle Obama is urging everyone to buy Girl Scout Salads for the holidays.....

Animal House Food Fight is a Hate Crime

Most people see this clip from Animal House as hysterically funny; Big Mama Michelle Obama, America's Cafeteria Lady, sees it as a nutritional hate crime.

Big Mama Obama

We can all agree that our public schools are a mess.  But have no fear: Big Mama Michelle Obama is here.  She spearheaded the outrageous childhood nutrition bill that will spend billions of dollars to build SALAD BARS in American public schools.

Hey,  Big Mama Obama, the problem is not what's on the menu in the school cafeteria, the problem is the kids can't read the menu.

But Big Mama Obama knows best.  She knows what we should eat, when and where.  She is a world renown expert on nutrition, and apparently gained that expertise by being married to the divider in chief.

Big Mama says we can't leave it up to parents to tell kids what to eat, instead, we should leave it up to her.

Obviously, the proper role of the federal government when to comes to food is to make sure it is safe.

The government should make sure there is no razor blades in our salt.  After that, its up to us whether to use salt or not.

Think about the insanity: of all the problems with our schools, we are going to spend billions to install salad bars.

Big Mama Obama is the cafeteria lady from hell: she puts the food on your plate whether you want it or not.

She probably sees the Belushi cafeteria scene in "Animal House" as a nutrition hate crime.

 

 

Oh, The Humanity

Here is the radio broadcast of the Desean Jackson punt return, which capped off the worst regular season choke in Giant history.

No Pets Allowed

Michael Vick says it's a shame that one of the terms of his prison release is he can't own a dog for the rest of his life.  He says his kids would love to have a pet.  Hey, I believe Vick has paid his debt to society and all that, but giving this guy a dog is like giving a crackhead a pipe: Why take the chance?    

50 Years Ago Today....

The Park Slope plane crash- at that time, the biggest crash in American history.

Remembering the 1960 Park Slope plane crash 50 years later

Taking The Rap

Sal Alosi, the Jets steroids & conditioning coach, is taking the fall for ordering the wall.  But he is a patsy.  Like Oswald, he did not act alone.  He did not order the code red.  It came from Rex or Westoff.

The stereotype of the NFL steroids & conditioning coach is that they are muscle- headed dopes.  And in this case, the stereotype is true.

Barack OLiar

Obama the liar:

"When they expire in two years, I will fight to end them," Obama said. "Just as I suspect the Republican Party may fight to end the middle-class tax cuts that I've championed and that they've opposed."

There is not one Republican ANYWHERE that is on the record as wanting an increase in income taxes for the middle class. Not one. And everyone knows it.  But no one calls him out on it.

Lower taxes is a core principal of the Republican party, much like racial preferences is for the Democrats.

Imagine if a Republican President said: "I will fight for affirmative action for minorities, which the Democratic Party has actively opposed."

The press would say, what the fu*k are you talking about, the Dems are ALWAYS in favor of affirmative action."

The same thing applies to taxes.  

But the press are slient mice on this one.

Liberal Family Values

Lefty Columbia Professor and Huffington Post contributor David Epstein was recently arrested for incest.  The conduct in question involved his daughter.  The libs-god bless their degenerate hearts-are defending the lowlife, saying the relationship is consensual, so what is the big deal?

Maybe Epstein misunderstood the memo from the Stoop: We tell the people at the Huffington Post to go fu*k themselves, not their daughters.

The Giants Are Not The Only New York Football Team That Had The Roof Cave In On Them

Dan Fouts, one of the greatest quarterbacks in NFL history, was the color commentator for the Jets-Dolphins game today.  Having Fouts describe the qb play of Mark Sanchez & Chad Henne is like having Picasso judge a finger painting contest between two kindergarten kids.

What a debacle.

It got so bad, at one point I thought Sexy Rexy Ryan was going to remove his lap band and choke Sanchez  with it right there on the sideline.

Go Giants.

Condi

Watch Condi Rice-a Teleprompter & notes -free Condi Rice- school the JOKER in drag, Katie Couric on the rationale for the Iraq War.  Watch the competence on display, and compare it to the disgraceful cabal that are in power today.  Watch what a dopey brainless fool Couric is, and how intellectually inferior this cue -card reader is next to Ms. Rice.                
Breitbart.tv » Condoleezza Rice Smacks Down Katie Couric’s Insulting, Ignorant Depiction of Iraq War

A Liberal Army

Now that their radical social re-engineering of the military has failed with the Senate rejecting the repeal of "Don't Ask Don't Tell", look for liberals to find other ways to impose their values on the military.  Such as:

A Toys for Guns Program where all soldiers can hand in their weapons and get a nice toy in exchange;

Solar Powered Tanks;

Green Bombs-they don't explode, they just warn you of the evils of global warning.

Big Shot Book Club

Muhammed Ali showed up at President Bush's book signing. To the left, it is the first time they want to admit that Ali is brain damaged.  I wonder if Bush asked him to do the audio version of the book?  
 

Muhammad Ali at President Bush book signing for - Mofo Politics ...  

The Liberal Position Taxes The Mind

Here is the official liberal position on our tax rates:

1) Bush lowered the rates 10 years ago. That was horrible

2) The Clinton tax rates were higher across the board. That was awesome.

3) They want to go back to the Clinton tax rates-Those were the days!- but....

4) Only for people making over $250,000.  For everyone else the Bush tax rates....

5) Are awesome.

It turns out liberals LOVE the Bush tax rates when it comes to themselves. No one you or I know making less than a $250,000 has said, "I want to pay more federal income taxes.  I want the Clinton tax rates."  

You will sooner see the Jets sack a quarterback than see that happen.

Which begs the question:  If liberals think that the welfare state is underfunded and that higher taxes are the way to go, why are they excluding everyone from under $250k  from paying more taxes?

Isn't it so nice of them, to have OTHER PEOPLE fund there welfare state?

It's so important to fund, but not so important that they pay into it.

10% of the country pays 70% of the taxes.

50% of the country pays nothing.

But they love their Bush tax cuts,,,, when it comes to themselves.



      

Enough With This John Lennon

December 7- Pearl Harbor Day

December 8- John Lennon Murdered Day

Yesterday, no media attention on Pearl Harbor Day.  Today, it's teddy bears and candles non stop for John Lennon.

Talk about a nation not honoring its own history.  But we know every John Lennon song by heart, right?  The misplaced emphasis is a disgrace.

Years ago Bill Buckley analyzed the lyrics of Lennon's "Imagine" and concluded it was the Socialist/Communist version of utopia.

Think about it:

Imagine no:

Heaven

Hell

Religions

Countries

Possessions

Please.  That's a commie paradise alright.

For a guy who imagined no possessions, he sure collected a lot of them.

Those songs weren't written by Lennon & McCartney; more like Lennin & McCartney

How To Argue Like A Liberal

You see these liberals are hammering Obama because he compromised on taxes?  Let's be honest: What's driving this is that liberals can't stand the fact that we have a black man in the White House.  Sure they say that their criticism is rooted in his tax policies, but we all know that is a pretext, that they are straight-up racists.

Taxed to Death (And Beyond)

Regarding the death of Elizabeth Edwards, one aspect of the story that will not receive coverage is did the upcoming estate tax play a roll in her decision to stop treatment? 

Right now, the estate tax is zero.  It is scheduled to go up to 55% on January 1, but under the deal Obama just agreed to, it will be 35% for all estates larger than $5 million.

You can't tell me people who are terminally ill and their families are not forced to at least think about the harsh tax consequences that will occur if a person dies on December 31, 2010 as opposed to January 1, 2011.

The fact that Obama & the Congress have let this play out for too long, and that forces people like Elizabeth Edwards (and countless others) to think about the consequences of the government taking none of their cash if they die one day and 55% of their cash if they die just one day later.

No one should have to be put in that situation.

But many Americans are facing that horrible decision-thanks to these grave- robbing liberals.

Done Deal

 The Patriots look unbeatable.  I can see it now, Tom Brady is MVP of the Super Bowl, and Jim Nance interviews him on the field:

Nance:  Tom Brady, you just won the Super Bowl MVP, what are you going to do next?

Brady:  I'M HEADING TO THE HAIR RESTORATION CLINIC IN MANHATTAN!

Hypocrisy University

Two of the biggest myths in sports are:

1) Jeter the tax cheater calls his ex-manager "Mr. Torre", and

2) Duke and Coach K run a pure program.

Leave the tax cheater aside for now, but for everyone who wants to know the truth about Duke, and how they funnel jobs and money to the families of their players, the article below is a must read.

For everyone condemning Cam Newton and his dad for trying to get paid, why don't you focus your outrage on Duke?

http://bit.ly/g3E2ml

Nielsen

The great thing about Leslie Nielsen is that he never winked at the camera.  He never gave a look to the audience that said, " I'm a funny bastard."  He delivered the lines, and never broke character.  Do we have funny people in America anymore?  Rodney, Pryor, Carlin, Nielsen joins them on the Mount Rushmore of Comedy.  Some greatest hits:

Mimi Du Jour: Is this some kind of bust?

Lt. Frank Drebin (Nielsen): Yes, ma'am, it's very impressive, but we need to ask you a few questions.

Dr. Rumack (Nielsen): You'd better tell the captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.

Elaine: A hospital? What is it?
Dr. Rumack: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.

Doorman: Your coat, sir?

Lt. Frank Drebin (Nielsen): Yes, it is. And I have a receipt to prove it.

Lt. Frank Drebin (Nielsen): Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute until he's behind bars. Now, let's grab a bite to eat.


Vincent Ludwig: Nice to meet you too. [offers Drebin a cigar] Cuban?

Lt. Frank Drebin (Nielsen): Err, no, Dutch-Irish, my father was from Wales.

High Times With Chris Christie

I just watched Chris Christie talk about signing a medical marijuana bill.  The man is such an awesome speaker, he could have started smoking a SPLIFF in mid speech and conservatives in the audience would have said, "Christie is right about medical marijuana".

This Man's Army

With the Pentagon getting ready to get rid of "Don't Ask Don't Tell", look for this new military policy/slogan that will be rolled out ASAP:

We Never Leave Our Buddy's Behind

Look-A-Likes: Biz Markie & Iran Barkley

So Far Gone

We all know that The New York Times is way far gone on the whacked out lefty fringe,  but today it officially became parody proof.

Years ago, the late Joe Sobran wrote that the Times was so crazed with liberal ideology, that one day you would see the following headline:

"New York Destroyed by Earthquake; Women and Minorities Hit Hardest"

Lo and behold, look at a headline from today's NY Slimes:

New York City Job Cuts Hurt Minorities, Union Says - NYTimes.com

They have officially jumped the socialist shark.  

Frisky Business

The Pentagon has just released its study in repealing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."  Hidden deep in the report is the recommendation that soldiers effected by the policy can be transferred from the military to the TSA where they can conduct full body seaches at airports.

Look God, No Hands

Here is the the great Nick DiPaolo on Buffalo Bills wide receiver Steve Johnson, who blamed God after dropping a game winning touchdown pass:

He may believe in God, but he has the hands of Jesus after the crucifixion.

The Stoop Television Network

I've thought of a great idea for a television show.  It will tap into an under served audience and get huge ratings.  There is such a huge Korean population in America.  And they love Korean music.  I want to produce a Korean music television show, where Koreans dance to Korean music, and we have the top music acts from Korea perform.

And we call it Seoul Train.

Take Care of Your Own

With Ireland about to go bust- and its creditors unwilling to accept Guinness to settle up accounts- Stoop pal Andrew weighs in on the debt crisis, and the need for America to look out for us, and fuck foreign aid:  


The Bono Lessons:


I usually get my inspiration while jogging and listening to music. Today it was while listening to U2's "40" and thinking about the sad state of affairs in Ireland. I wonder if Bono woke up this morning, turned on the TV, saw the thousands of his fellow countrymen marching in the streets and thought, "Jeez, maybe I should have devoted all of my charitable efforts to those suffering in my homeland rather than spending millions on people in a far away land?" I'm sure Bono, like most Irish people, has a good heart and, while things were going great in Ireland, he thought he was doing a noble thing. He could comfort himself with that thought. Or he can realize the truth. His country, like many other countries, including the USA, lost track of taking care of their own instead of taking care of others. I mean, of all the people in the world, haven't the Irish suffered enough? Now they are going to be debt ridden to Europe for generations and their poor people are marching in the streets. Maybe Bono should have spent his time helping his own country and maybe he should do that now. If you're reading this and think this is off base, well, wait until the debt crisis happens here. The riots of the 60s might look tame compared to what could happen. If that happens (and we are all praying it won't), will we look back and feel good about the trillions of dollars we poured into far away lands only to be humiliated and insulted in return. Take South Korea, where they are attacked and yet they can't even defend themselves after decades of military support and worse, they insult our President at the G20 summit. Or take Europe where we saved them from fascism and now they look at us in scorn? How about Iraq and the broader Middle East where we got rid of Sadam and now we are enemy number 1? Or Indonesia where our people gave billions of their own money outside of taxpayer dollars and we sent in our Navy yet the Indonesians hate us and blame Obama for not "doing more" to mend so-called Muslim-American relations? The list is endless (Africa, Haiti, etc.).


What have we gotten for all of our kindness and money spent? Not even a "thank you card". Nothing. Think about if we had instead spent all that money and effort in the USA on our people. Don't we deserve it?

Don't Give Me No Lip

So Obama got 12 stitches in his lip from playing pick-up basketball.  I heard he blamed Bush for the floor being wet and that caused the guy to slip and throw the elbow.

The White House says that the president will have no problem communicating with the stitches because no damage was done to the Teleprompter.

Did you know that when Obama plays basketball, if one team gets a big lead, he signs an executive order to redistribute some points to the other team?

Thank God for small blessings. If this injury occurred  next year when Obama Health Care will be in full effect, they would have had to fly him up to Canada to get treatment.  

Proof That He Doesn't Smoke Crack Anymore

I see said the blind man.  Marion Barry, current DC Councilman, former Mayor, has co-sponsored a bill that would limit the amount of time you could collect welfare.  Five years and you're out.  If it passes, it would remove 7,000 families from the shackles of government dependency.

Let's welcome Da Mayor to the vast right-wing conspiracy.


A distraction of the road to a better DC welfare system

Reagan's Thanksgiving Words..

President Reagan's First Thanksgiving Proclamation:

America has much for which to be thankful. The unequaled freedom enjoyed by our citizens has provided a harvest of plenty to this nation throughout its history. In keeping with America’s heritage, one day each year is set aside for giving thanks to God for all of His blessings. … In this spirit, Thanksgiving has become a day when Americans extend a helping hand to the less fortunate. Long before there was a government welfare program, this spirit of voluntary giving was ingrained in the American character. Americans have always understand that, truly, one must give in order to receive. This should be a day of giving as well as a day of thanks.

A Slap in the Head

In this era of pussification, with the NFL being so preoccupied with blows to the head, the time is right to give a Stoop Shout Out to the Hall of Famer who pattened the headslap-the Minister of Defense, Deacon Jones. In fact, you cannot by law use the term "headslap" without first saying the words "Deacon Jones."

This clip is hilarious.  Deacon tries to be politically correct in explaining that the headslap could be used against anyone-but somehow I think the National Organization of Women would want him sacked for this.

Mets on the Rocks

So the Mets named Terry Collins as their manager.  My first reaction: Isn't that the name of a drink?  "Hey bartender, I'll have a scotch on the rocks, and give the girl a Terry Collins."

Three Dicks

Last night, Chris Collinsworth must have said "Mike Vick" a thousand times.  The whole world knows him as "Michael", but Christopher Collinsworth has a special insider relationship with him, so he gets to call him Mike.  It's like calling Jordan "Mike Jordan." 

Mike Francesa does the same shit all the time, as Phil Mushnick has consistently pointed out.  Francesa's latest example: when Johnny Bench was coming on his show, he kept referring to him as "John Bench ".

John Bench?  That's like saying "I'm going to appear on the John Carson Show". 

Again, the calculated reason behind it:  I am an insider and I get to call him something different to reflect that insider status.

The worst example of this comes from all-time dickhead Reggie Jackson.

Every October, he makes the media rounds.  And he ALWAYS wants to talk about his relationship with Alex Rodriguez.

 Does he call him "Alex"?  Nah. 

Does he call him "A-Rod"?  Of course not.  That is a name used by the common people.

No, Mr. Dick-Ober refers to him as "Al".

He calls him Al Rodriguez. 

Tell me something.  If someone said to you, "Did you see Al Rodriguez last night?", would you think they were referring to the baseball player?

Of course not.

Only Michael Francesa and Christopher Collinsworth would know what Reginald was talking about.

Our Leader

A tip from the Stoop:

If you ever get discouraged about America's future, do what I do, and watch the latest Chris Christie speech.

The one below will give you hope that there is at least one guy who gets it.  One guy who will fight to do the right thing.  One guy who will go toe to toe with the teacher's union and every other liberal group that needs to have their power rolled back big time.

2012 slogan for Christie:  I Love That Fat Bastard.

Awesome! Chris Christie tells of apology from President of

Being A Movie Star is Taxing

A judge has finally ordered Wesley Snipes to begin serving his three- year prison sentence for tax evasion.  Apparently, the case stems from Snipes's failure to declare the money he won in pick up basketball in "White Men Can't Jump". 

Take The Time

We are a week before Thanksgiving- where does the time go?  I know we all have a lot of important things we need to do before the year is out.  But there is one thing we should all do so I want to put out this gentle reminder.

Please don't forget to send a Christmas card to the ACLU.


Let me explain. These petty little people see a Christmas tree in the public square as the biggest threat to America. They spend their spare time counting the sheep in the public square nativity scene to determine that there is enough sheep to offset the baby Jesus and thus meet their crazed definition of a "secular purpose." 

But what can you say about a group that thinks that sheep in a nativity scene violates the constitution, but sex between a man and a sheep is protected by the 4th amendment's right to privacy?

So Christmas, and the public celebration of Christmas drives these people crazier than Charlie Sheen with a pocket full of crack. 

So send them a Christmas card.  You see, when the ACLU gets mail, they hope it's a donation. When they open it up and see that it is a Christmas card, the level of disappointment in the ACLU office must be like the time that these so-called privacy advocates tracked down Robert Bork's movie rentals and it included such salacious titles as "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington & Miracle on 34th Street".

And the more time they spend opening up Christmas cards, the less time they have to file lawsuits to get rid of nativity scenes.
And the more Christmas cards the ACLU receives, the more disappointment we can bring to these Scrooges.

So do your part and wish the ACLU a very Merry Christmas.

Good Time Charlie

There goes Good -Time Charlie at his Dominican villa.  He spends time there when he is not at his four rent- controlled apartments in Harlem.  Charlie rented out the villa and never declared the income on his tax returns.  Charlie says he simply forgot to declare it.  Try using that as an excuse.

Charlie remembered that he owned the place.  He remembered to use it to escape New York winters.  He remembered to rent it out when he wasn't using it.  He remembered to collect the rent and put it in his pocket.  But declaring the income?  It just slipped his mind.

They gave a party for Good-Time Charlie in August.  He turned 80.  The fact that he was a crook was beyond dispute.  But they all showed up anyway to celebrate the life of Good Time Charlie:  Bloomberg, Cuomo, Schumer and a host of others. 

They see him as a man to be honored.

And they hold all the political power in this state.

We are doomed.







 
 

Keeping It Real, Yo

I read an excerpt in the Daily News from Jay- Z's new memoir.  In order to "keep it real", and remain true to the hip-hop tradition of sampling, Jay-Z throws in passages from Hemingway & Melville right in the middle of his own paragraphs. 

Obama Over There

Stoop pal Andrew weighs in on Obama's overseas trip, the reaction of the locals ,and how they need to step up their game:  

After the recent national wipeout of the Democrats from the recent elections and the new era of government, it could be easy to gloat and continue to attack the President's policies. But I thought I'd take a moments following the great election of 2010 to instead adopt a little hope for the time being. I will begin by praising the President when he did something two years ago when he was then President-elect that I thought paid tribute to and honored one of my favorite, but little-known and often ignored national traditions. Following the election of 2008, when the financial crisis was at its peak and President Bush took his last trip to Europe, President-elect Obama said clearly that he would honor the tradition of not criticizing the President when he was abroad. And during the time that President Bush was in Europe, Mr. Obama followed that tradition. Perhaps it was the first time that Mr. Obama ever thought about that tradition or perhaps he was employing it because he saw the future and wanted the benefit of that tradition, I don't know. What I do know is that, at the time, I liked it. I have always followed it and thought it was one of the great traditions in America: Don't criticize your President while he is abroad because he is my President represents you and me and if any country has a problem with the President at that time, they have a problem with me. Party affiliation dies when the President is abroad. (I actually also follow the inverse tradition as well--when I am abroad, I defend my Nation from those who disagree regardless of the issue).



So when I recently read that, while he was visiting Indonesia and the rest of Asia, the President has been loudly criticized by many foreigners for purportedly not doing enough to fulfill President Obama's promises to repair Islamic-US relations or, for instance, that the President's economic policies are upsetting China and other non-democracies, I say to those criticizing the President: Baba Booey! First, of course, if those of you reading this in other countries don't know what Baba Booey means or who Baba Booey is, you opinions are irrelevant. Seriously, though, as to the President's alleged failure to repair Islamic-US relations, I say on behalf of America and my President to those in the Islamic world who believe in this criticism that it's your turn to step up. Let's begin with a huge "thank you, Mr. President" for our country's heroic and unprecedented assistance in responding to the 2004 tsunami disaster. Meanwhile, let's see some good ol' fashion steps toward a rejection of extremism and adoption of democracy. Let's see some marches in the streets in Jakarta and Beijing demanding freedom and equality for all, including women. Let's see a protest march and a universal rejection for those who criticize the dude in Indonesia who claims he felt "forced" to shake the First Lady's hand. I mean, are you serious? Is that issue even worth a discussion? As for other criticisms about economic policy, China has more balls than a Christmas tree to attack the President for his response to help his country. To you in Commie land, I say once again Baba Booey.

In short, here's to the President's prompt and safe return to America. At that time, we can get back to the partisan games if we must, but for now--while our President is abroad, let's stick together as one Nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

On November 13, Felix Unger Was Asked to Remove Himself From His Place Of Residence...

It was 40 years ago today that Felix moved in with Oscar (indulge me).      

Not Their Fault

When it comes to crime, this story from Mark Shields  perfectly illustrates the liberal mindset:

Two liberals are walking down the road, when they come upon a man in a ditch, who has been severely beaten, who is bleeding, broken, moaning, left for dead. The one liberal turns to the other and says, “We must find the people who did this. They need help.”

Michael Vick Getting a "Man of the Year" Award From PETA Makes More Sense....

  The price of gold is about to plummet. And it has nothing to do with Ben (Barbasol Man) Bernanke printing money like some thug rapper "making it rain." Derek the tax cheater Jeter was  just awarded a gold glove. Jeter getting the gold glove is added to the "most undeserving award" list which includes: (1) Milli Vanilli getting a grammy; (2) Obama receiving the Nobel Peace Prize; and (3) whatever won the Oscar over Goodfellas.

Put Him Back In Pinstripes

 Jim Leyritz is on trial in Florida for drunk driving through a red light and killing a woman. Today, the judge denied the prosecutor's request to have the Yankee third base coach testify that Leyritz was known for ignoring the third base coach's stop sign and recklessly barrel his way towards home plate.

From A Mother To A Son

Forget about 9/11, Iraq, Katrina or anything else in George W. Bush's memoir.  The craziest shit that is in there is this:

In the weirdest news item of the day, the New York Post reveals that when George W. Bush was a teenager, his mother, Barbara, showed him her miscarried fetus in a jar. "There's no question that affected me, a philosophy that we should respect life," he tells Matt Lauer in an interview.

His mother showed him her miscarried fetus in a jar?  No wonder why the guy drank himself into Ted Kennedy-like oblivion.

What is nuttier: that she did it, or that he writes about it?

A Telepromper Instead of A Clipboard

I tried watching the President on 60 Minutes last night, but after a few minutes my attention began to wander.  And then it hit me: we have tuned this man out.  Totally. He is like the NBA coach in his fourth job and during timeouts you watch him talk to his team and no one is listening.  No one even gives him any eye contact.  They have  heard the same tired speech more times than Ed McMahon said "Here's Johnny!" So they just zone out until the timeout is over, and  then wander back onto the court.

In short, Obama is Doug Collins, and America is Deshawn Stevenson.

Running

Today is the NYC Marathon.  One of the Chilean miners is running.  To make him feel more comfortable, marathon officials have let him know that once he crosses the Verrazano Bridge, he can duck into the subway and finish the rest of the course underground.

Job Created By The Stimulus

Who Says He Hasn't Created Jobs?

This is the way it works in the White House:

Obama tells his inner circle that he needs a photo- op to show that he has created jobs.

The next thing you know, he is on his way to India-do you know how many call centers, IT , and financial services jobs have migrated from the U.S. to India?

No wonder why they are throwing out the red carpet for the guy.

They must love him there.

He probably is having the Attorney General, -the guy who looks like Oprah's boyfriend-research the legality of having Dell Service Center people working in India obtain the right to vote in U.S. elections.

Hurting His Credibility?

So they suspended Olbermann for donating money to Democrats?  When I first read it, I thought it was because he did not donate to liberals.  I always assumed that the guy had his whole paycheck wired directly to the Communist Party.  The crazy thing is that there is some NBC executive that thinks that Olbermann donating cash makes him less credible as a political commentator.  Anyway, who watches the fucking show anyway?  The surveillance camera at the Gowanus Projects in Brooklyn has more viewers than Olbermann's show.

Gotta Baby That Arm

Like bedbugs, the pussification of America is everywhere.  The latest assault: high school baseball in New York City.  Specifically, the PSAL just passed a rule that varsity pitchers cannot throw more than 105 pitches in one game.

Some thoughts:

How bout we teach them to be able to count to 105 instead of a pitch count to that number?

Why are we babying these kids?  Let them throw baseballs, snowballs and rocks to their hearts content.

Before you know it, they will pass a law limiting baseball video games to 105 pitches.

Guaranteed five years from now, you are going to turn on the news and some 20 year old will be sitting in some lawyer's office saying that their high school manager let him throw more than a 105 pitches and as a result he blew out his arm.  And oh yeah, he would be in the majors if not for that dreaded breach of the pitch count-and he missed out on $50 million in lost earnings.

So we are teaching kids to be pussies, and we will pay taxpayer cash to settle frivolous lawsuits from this pussy rule.

Election Thoughts Part 1: Obama

He still doesn't get it.  The divider- in-chief does not see the election as a rejection of his radical agenda; he thinks we are just not smart enough to know what's good for us.  The man has a hard time dealing with failure.  But what do you expect from a man who in a three year period went from stapling fliers on telephone poles to the Oval Office?  No one has ever told him he was wrong or not good enough before.    His reaction to the election reminds me of a guy in law school who gets a "B" in on his final exam and then demands that the professor regrade the exam.  (Although the analogy does not quite hold because Obama never did release his law school grades.  I'm sure he did well though, and has chosen not to release them out of modesty.) 

My Kind Of Stimulus

Who says that B. Hussein Obama does not know how to create jobs? 

New Republican members in the House:



Tim Griffin (AR-2)

Cory Gardner (CO-4)

Steve Southerland (FL-2)

Dan Webster (FL-5)

Sandy Adams (FL-24)

Mike Keown (GA-2)

Austin Scott (GA-8)

Adam Kinzinger (IL-11)

Randy Hultgren (IL-14)

Bobby Schilling (IL-17)

Todd Young (IN-9)

Kevin Yoder (KS-3)

Jeff Landry (LA-3)

Andy Harris (MD-1)

Dan Benishek (MI-1)

Bill Huizenga (MI-2)

Justin Amash (MI-3)

Tim Walberg (MI-7)

Alan Numelee (MS-1)

Steven Palazzo (MS-4)

Vicky Hartzler (MO-4)

Frank Guinta (NH-1)

Charlie Bass (NH-2)

Jon Runyan (NJ-3)

Steve Pearce (NM-2)

Michael Grimm (NY-13)

Nan Hayworth (NY-19)

Chris Gibson (NY-20)

Richard Hanna (NY-24)

Tom Reed (NY-29)

Renee Ellmers (NC-2)

Rick Berg (ND-AL)

Steve Chabot (OH-1)

Bill Johnson (OH-6)

Steve Stivers (OH-15)

Jim Renacci (OH-16)

Bob Gibbs (OH-18)

Mike Kelly (PA-3)

Pat Meehan (PA-7)

Mike Fitzpatrick (PA-8)

Tom Marino (PA-10)

Lou Barletta (PA-11)

Charlie Dent (PA-15)

Mick Mulvaney (SC-5)

Kristi Noem (SD-AL)

Scott DesJarlais (TN-4)

Diane Black (TN-6)

Steve Fincher (TN-8)

Bill Flores (TX-17)

Blake Farenthold (TX-27)

Scott Rigell (VA-2)

Robert Hurt (VA-5)

Morgan Griffith (VA-9)

Jaime Herrera (WA-3)

David McKinley (WV-1)

Sean Duffy (WI-7)

Reid Ribble (WI-8)

She Must Be High

House Speaker pill-popping Pelosi is delusional. She said this today:

We’re on pace to maintain the majority in the House of Representatives,” Ms. Pelosi told reporters gathered in a second-floor conference room at the Democrats’ headquarter.

She has become Baghdad Bob, or Kevin Bacon at the end of Animal House telling the parade marchers to remain calm:

Luke

The quintessential power forward of my youth, Maurice Lucas, passed away yesterday from bladder cancer.  He was 58.

He was the heart and soul of the '77 champion Trail Blazers and also a central figure on the greatest sports book ever written, "The Breaks of the Game" by David Halberstam.   If you haven't read it, you should be sentended to watching the World Cup for the rest of your life.

Anyway, the best tribute to Luke was made by his teammate Bill Walton, who named his son after Lucas.  Knowing how much the concept of team meant to Walton, with UCLA, with the Celtics, etc. how awesome is it that he named his son Luke?  Do you think Kobe has a son named Shaq?  Please.

After the Lakers won the 2009 championship, Walton wrote his son a letter saying how proud he is of him  for being a member of a championship team.  But Walton being Walton, he could not help but compare Luke's Lakers to his own Blazers, and he reminds his son of his namesake.            
Check it out:


Luke, you mentioned the historical reference to your team's abilities. When you get to be my age, trash talking is about all that's left. I fully admit, Luke, that your team is really, really good. Kobe is supreme. Pau, Lamar and Andrew are all top of the line. And Phil Jackson is brilliant.

Right next to your smile on my spirit and soul are the immortal words of Jack Ramsay, who recently said on the 30th anniversary of the 1977 World Champion Blazers in putting that team's abilities in historical context:

"I like our team. We'll take our chances. Anywhere. Anytime. Against anybody."

Blazers in four, Luke. Never forget why you are named after Maurice Lucas.

Love, Dad

Where Are They?

Fall is officially here, but somehow, you don't see the dickhead Yankee fans breaking out with the goofy jackets this year.  Baldman is no fashion maven, but I don't think the "let's put my favorite team's accomplishments directly on my clothes" look is ever going to catch on as the next big thing.   

Greatest Headline Ever

Kagan The Radical

We have all seen that famous clip of football coach Dennis Green, distraught over his team losing to the Bears, lamenting, "They are who we thought they were!"

We can say the same thing about Lady Kaga, Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan.  We knew that she was an extreme left-wing radical.  During her confirmation hearing, I believed her claim of being a moderate as much as I believed Liberace when he said he was not married because he could not find the right woman to settle down with.

Anyway, Kaga just recorded her first vote on the Court.  And she is who we thought she was.

What do you think of this legal reasoning: a convicted murderer on death row should not be executed because the drug the state wants to inject him with might not be safe?

Huh?

That's Kaga for you.

A little background on the death row killer:  he was sentenced to death for killing a man after he escaped from prison.  Oh yeah, he was in prison in the first place because he was convicted of second degree murder.

Let my pal Andrew take it from here:

Today we get our first opportunity to look at how our wonderful new Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan is performing by evaluating her first vote as a Supreme Court Justice, which was in support of the issuance of a stay of the execution of murderer Jeffrey Landrigan. A bit about Landrigan: According to reports, Landrigan was first convicted of the first degree murder by stabbing of his best friend in 1982. While in prison for that murder, Landrigan murdered again by stabbing another inmate 14 times. Then he escaped from prison and murdered for the third time in 1989. During the sentencing hearing for the third murder (and who knows if there are more murders attributable to Landrigan), it was reported that Landrigan made a brief statement saying, "I think if you want to give me the death penalty, just bring it on. I'm ready for it." That does not sound to remourseful for all of the lives he shattered during his murder spree, does it? Twenty-plus prison years later (and untold amounts of taxpayer money wasted on him through police, incarceration, publicly funded defense lawyers), the execution was finally arranged and it is with this background that we now Kagan's vote for a stay.


While a vote for a stay of an execution issued by an Upper West Side-raised liberal judge would not be surprising in of itself, it is the reasoning behind her decision that is most shocking. Her vote in favor of the stay was because she had questions about the "safety" of the drug, sodium thiopental, which was set to be used to execute the convicted murderer. Indeed, the lawyers on behalf of Landrigan apparently were not arguing that there was no evidence to support a conviction, or that there was DNA or something which cleared the serial murderer. In fact, it appears that there is no dispute that Landrigan killed at least three times in cold blood. The lawyers for Landrigan, however, persuaded Kagan to the logic that a stay should issue because the drug was "not safe for its intended use." If you're scratching your head at the idea that anyone, much less a Supreme Court Justice, would agree with the logic that a drug meant to kill could be "unsafe" to the person you are trying to kill, then you realize the craziness of liberal logic. In short, they will think of anything to avoid imposing the death penalty.

Kagan's vote was the minority view and the drug apparently was safe for its intended use: Mr Landrigan reportedly died peacefully by lethal injection.

    

No More Public Housing

Just read in the Times a story on how repair jobs for public housing are years behind schedule and that the backlog is creating dangerous living conditions.  From the Times:

Latoya Craig, 27, an administrative assistant who lives in Moore Houses, in the South Bronx, was recently told that the large hole in her bathroom ceiling would not be repaired until May. In the meantime, mold has started to bloom, causing her to worry about the health of her 6-year-old son.

When you think of the harmful affects that liberal policies inflict upon American citizens, public housing is a good place to examine.

The culture of dependency which occurs when the government supplies your housing is shameful.  That we allow this to happen, and don't take a wrecking ball to these policies is a disgrace.

When government supplies the roof over your head,  the end result is you think the government is responsible to supply all of your basic needs.  And when that happens-you are doomed.

Think about the example above. The woman has a potential hazardous condition in her apartment.  A condition that could hurt her 6-year old son.   She is told it won't be fixed until 9 months from now.

Does she fix it herself?  No.  Does she hire someone to fix it?  No.  Does she move out to another place?  Of course not.  She does not see it as her responsibility to do so.

And why should she?  We have conditioned her to think that she is not responsible for her own housing-so why should she think it's her responsibility to repair that housing?

Dependency crushes the human spirit.

And that is what they are selling-dependency

Don't Change It

Thoughts on the NFL trying to crack down on hits to the head:

This idea is the surest sign yet that the pussification of America is in full force.  It's a straight line from play dates, to having your kid play soccer, to the NFL is too violent.

 Is the NFL violent?  Of course. The NFL is built on violence.  It's why we watch it.  The men who make their living playing football are the bravest men we have that do not wear a military uniform.  (That makes Pat Tillman doubly great, by the way.)

Compared to the Deacon Jones head slap days, the NFL is already watered down.  Why fuck with it?  I love it when a guy gets his bell rung.   And so do you by the way.

We should have seen this coming with the endless pink ribbons in the NFL.

Before you know it, they are going to make blitzing the quarterback a hate crime.

As my man Andrew mentioned, how hypocritical is it than Rodney Harrison is the spokesman for this movement?

Harrison was the dirtiest player of his time.  He was known primarily for two things: steroids and cheap shots.  He has scrambled more eggs than the busiest diner in Astoria.  (By the way, if you watch the most famous catch of all time, the David Tyree helmet catch, you will find the human growth hormone king Rodney Harrison draped all over Tyree.)

And now he got religion?

Please.

Making Harrison the poster boy for eliminating blows to the head is like letting Hitler be the ribbon cutter at the opening of a Holocaust museum.

An Apology

Consider this a Stoop apology.  For over a year, I have used hurtful and divisive terms describing Joe Girardi as a monkey, an ape or a gorilla.  I should not have done this.  It's wrong.  So from the bottom of my heart, I want to apologize to all monkeys, apes and gorillas who were offended by my thoughtless actions.

Joe Retardi really outdid himself the other night.

Let's break it down:

Walking the go ahead run to pitch to Bengie Molina?  And letting Burnett pitch to him?

No  monkey would have done such a thing.

First, Burnett is the most reckless pitcher in baseball.  He is a disaster waiting to happen-which always happens.  His ERA is higher than Ron Washington & Josh Hamilton on a crystal meth binge.

Letting Burnett pitch in a big spot is more reckless than saying to your sister," I think you should settle down and have kids with Antonio Cromartie."

And who does he let him pitch to?  Bengie Molina!  There are more Molina's in baseball than bedbugs in New York.  And they are all clutch.  One of them is even named "Out of Here" Molina.

These Molina's are the Robert Horry of major league baseball.

They are so clutch, the NBA is replacing the Jerry West Logo with one of the Molina's.

The decision to pitch to Molina was the worst decision since that day in Dallas when JFK said, "It's a beautiful day, let's take the convertible out for a spin."

It was such a dumb decision, and no monkey would have made it.

So I apologize to all monkeys that were offended by my comparison.

Sotomayor Is Out There

 

The self proclaimed wise one, Justice Sotomayor is a left wing radical judge.  We all know it, and the case below shows it.  She lost this case, but if Obama stays in office, he will continue to pick judges that will remake this country  in ways that should concern us all.

Here are the facts:

A guy is in prison.  He has AIDS.  The prison supplies him all the medication he needs for his illness, courtesy of the taxpayer.  His prison duties include hard labor.  He refuses do perform his duties, and also refuses to take his medicine to protest his assignment.

Once he stops taking his medicine, he says he is too weak to work.  The prison says, fuck you, your illness is caused by your refusal to take your medicine-and get to work.

He sues the prison, claiming that by making him work, they are inflicting cruel and unusual punishment on him-and therefore are violating his 8th Amendment rights.

The courts rightfully dismiss his claim using inescapable logic:  how is the prison be inflicting cruel and unusual punishment when they are providing him with medicine and he refuses to take it?

So his case was dismissed-but the wise one, Sotomayor issued a dissent.

She buys this claim.  She thinks this guy has a case.

Think about that.  And think about how she is going to twist our constitution into a left wing manifesto if she gets enough judges to join her.  

Read about it here:

   

The Volokh Conspiracy » Justice Sotomayor Votes to Review and then

Yankee Stadium Is A Magical Place....

I have to admit, I never got it.  I never understood what people meant when they said that Yankee Stadium was a magical place-until last night.

Now I know.  I saw it for myself. 

In the 9th inning, the score was 2-0.  The fans sitting behind the plate were packed in like a Tokyo rush hour train.  And then a microsecond later, the score was 3-0, the camera panned behind the plate, and all you saw were empty seats. 

It was like magic.  How can so many people disappear in such a short time?  I thought the amazing Kreskin was going to come out and saw a woman in half. 

Simply magical.

And then they showed all of the fans filing out so goddamn fast, Homeland Security should use the tape to show Americans how to evacuate a crowded place as quick as possible.

Here is the difference between Yankee fans and every other fan:

When Cliff Lee is pitching against your team, your mindset is: we have to figure out a way to beat this guy.

For Yankee fans, their mindset is: we have to figure out a way to get this guy. Right now.  During the game.  Have Cashman bring him a wheelbarrow full of money while he is warming up.

More thoughts:

The Yankee lineup is like the stimulus: Both cost an insane amount of money with no results.

I love that movie they made about CC Sabathia's life-The Blind Side.  Very Inspirational.

What happend to the Joba rules?  Remember when they told us how great he was?  How they had to limit his pitches, because his arm was such a precious commodity?  The guy had more restrictions/regulations on his use than trying to build a skyscraper in the rain forest.

But the Joba rules have been replaced by new rules. 

And although the rules are new, they still work the same way: to limit the number of pitches he throws in a major league game.

George is burning in hell and the devil is poking him with an interlocking NY- shaped pitchfolk.
    



  


  

Monkey Time

After getting smacked around by the Rangers and Cliff Lee, monkey boy manager Joe Retardi has a big decision to make regarding starting AJ Burnett or CC Sabathia.  I'm sure he will be up all night in his tree house trying to come up with the right decision.

Whatever he decides, we keep hearing through the ape vine that Retardi will  leave to manage the Cubs next year.

Frank Talk About Barney

I just read that the guy running against Barney Frank got heckled by Frank's boyfriend.  Like most people, I wondered: which boyfriend?  Was it the guy who got busted for growing pot?  Or was it the one who was convicted of running a male prostitution business out of Frank's apartment?

Frank is the author of the financial reform bill, which is supposed to stop the next financial crisis from occurring.  I know it was written in the Federalist Papers, but I do not know if the author was Hamilton, Madison or Jay.  But it says it somewhere in there that if a Congressman cannot tell that his boyfriend is running a prostitution ring out of his apartment, he also will not be able to recognize when a Wall Street meltdown is about to happen.

Making The Old Man Proud...

Did you see McCain's meathead daughter on the Sunday talk shows trashing Christine O'Donnell?  What a disgrace this pig is.  They should send the old man back to Viet Nam for some more torture for doing such a bad job as a parent.

Debate

Getting ready to watch the Paladino-Cuomo debate, which also includes a bunch of other candidates.  Prediction: the best part will be black panther City Council member Charles "I feel like slapping white people" Barron saying wild shit and Cuomo standing there pretending to take his crazy comments seriously.  

A Super Bald Winner....

The Patriots may play their home games on natural grass, but their quarterback Tom Brady definitely has some artificial turf.  Experts are unsure exactly when the male pattern baldness began, but they have narrowed the timeline down to sometime between David Tyree's helmet catch and Plaxi's game winning touchdown.
SPORTSbyBROOKS » Brady Plugged Hair Loss Talk With Flowing Locks

You're Entitled to Shit

Adam Carolla breaks down health care like nobody else.  Check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8UhYbokfY0

The Stoop Ain't Segregated

Nothing shows the difference between Republicans and Democrats more than how they treat race. Case in point: the president invited black bloggers and journalists to the White House this week for a background briefing.

They are hard -wired in a way that I will never understand. Who would ever think of having a meeting and inviting the guests based on their race? Democrats-that's who.

Think about that for a second. Come up with a reason to get a group of people together. And than say, "I'm only going to invite white people, or black people."

Don't you feel slimy for just thinking of such a thing?

And imagine going through with it.

They think and live in a way that is shameful.

Waitng For Pat...

I want to write about Paladino and the gay marriage/gay pride parade issue, but I am predicting that Patrick J Buchanan will do so in his next column, and he will say it better than me.

Weiner The Miner

Enough with this story with the miners in Chile. (And by the way, I pronounce is "Chili".) The only thing that would have interested me is if one of them said, " Fuck it, leave me down here." By the way, was Anthony Weiner one of the miners? I ask because the Congressional Weasel has been MIA for the last two months. And this is a man who would start his day on Morning Joe and end it on Bill Maher. And in between, he would hold press conferences with goats to show the sheeple that he was tough on spending. So when a human web cam like Weiner goes missing for months, you have to know that it is intentional, that it is killing him to not be in front of a camera, and that he is doing it as a weaselly attempt to hide from the coming electoral tsunami that will wipe out the left wing nut jobs from Congress.

But the wave will hit him too.

Columbus

Happy Columbus Day to everybody. Columbus Day, and how you feel about it reveals a lot. My pal Ralphie went to law school at UCLA and his wife went to St. John's. At SJU, Columbus Day is very festive. The students crack open a bunch of kegs, play a lot of music, and a good time is had by all. At UCLA, it's a different story. Columbus Day is treated like a funeral, with the oh so somber students wearing black armbands to reflect that Columbus was a genocidal maniac.

Who you identify with, the UCLA students or the SJU students, will tell you a lot about a person.

God Bless Christopher Columbus.

Quote of the Day

I don't like all this pink breast cancer NFL crap. We should force the chicks in the WNBA to wear brown head bands for colon cancer.-Adam Carolla

No Soda For The Huddled Masses

Thoughts on Mayor Bloomberg's attempt to have soda not eligible to be purchased with food stamps:

1) Excellent idea. They are called food stamps. Not soda stamps. In fact, no beverages should be eligible for purchases with food stamps. If you want something to drink, the city already provides water for free. Take advantage of that wondrous program.

2) With that being said, I don't give a fuck if a person mainlines Mountain Dew into their neck. As long as they pay for it. But if you life is in such a state that the state has to provide you food; it has the right to restrict the types of food/drinks that you get for free courtesy of the U.S. tax payer.

Put Them In A Steel Cage

Richard Blumenthal and Linda McMahon had their first debate tonight. By all accounts it was a ho- hum affair until out of nowhere during a question about the economy, George "The Animal" Steele hit Blumenthal in the head with a chair.

Look-A-Likes: Phillip Seymour Hoffman & Boomer Esiason

Know Your Target

So the Communist News Network (CNN) fired Rick Sanchez for calling Jon Stewart a bigot? What's the BFD? Liberals like Sanchez earn their money by playing the race card. Can you blame him for thinking he could use it against Stewart? Obviously, the mistake Sanchez made was he thought that the card could be played against a lib. I bet if he issues a quick retraction and said "every time I said the words 'Jon Stewart' I meant to say 'Glenn Beck'" not only would he get his job back, he would also get a promotion.

Ricky boy, quick lesson: I know libs play the race card more often than a NYC subway conductor says "watch the closing doors", but you can't call a fanatical liberal a bigot. It might get you fired.

Monkey Business

Prospect Park Zoo just had a contest to name the baby baboons that were born in the zoo in July. I submitted the perfect name for one of them, but it was rejected:

Joe Girardi

Quick Ones

Who is Braylon Edwards's favorite all time Jet?

Emerson Boozer.

Why does Lawrence Taylor play blackjack?

Because he does not like to hit on anything over 17.

He Had To Take It

Obama's Economic Czar Larry Summers is leaving the administration to head back to Harvard. He was offered his dream job and could not turn it down: the Chair of Harvard's "Communist" Department. The only job more prestigious at Harvard is the guy responsible for bolting the doors closed whenever a military recruiter tries to stop by.

Take The Rap

Did you know that Jet linebacker Vernon Gholston was in the car with Braylon Edwards and was also arrested? Yeah, the cops picked him up for stealing millions from the Jets, what a bust this high first round pick has been. You know the Jets probably pressured Gholston to say he was the one behind the wheel. Antonio Cromartie was supposed hang with Edwards that night, but he was running late because he had to put his kids to bed, which entails visiting eight houses in seven different states.

A Head of His Time

That monument of Steinbrenner's head is so huge, I thought for a moment that it was Jason Kidd's son sitting in the center field bleachers.

Quote of the Day

Peter King want Christie to run in 2012:

“Christie is a guy who appeals to Reagan Democrats. We need more of that. He doesn’t look like a Hollywood star. He comes across like your neighbor down the street — smart and tough . . . He was a successful lawyer, a successful U.S. attorney, and he was elected governor in a blue state against a well-financed opponent.”

Go Carl Go

Three cheers for Carl Paladino. After his public requests for a debate were ignored by Son of Mario, Paladino sent him a letter where he smacks sonny boy around. I love when a person writes in his own voice, and Paladino does not disappoint in that regard.

Some excerpts:

On Son of Mario ignoring his request to debate:

I guess what I find most offensive, other than the arrogance towards the public by your lack of a public answer, is the idea that this is somehow your decision as you have some sense of entitlement based on being the son of Mario Cuomo, a governor who left our state economy in a wreck. I know. I remember trying to make a living in UpstateNew York while your father was governor.

On Son of Mario's Lack of Balls:

Frankly, i dont think you have the cojones to face me and the other candidates in a open debate. I dont think you have the cojones to answer direct questions regarding the mistakes you made at HUD in pushing a sub-prime mortgage scheme that costtaxpayers $2.4 trillion dollars and cost most New Yorkers the value of their 401-Ks. I dont think you have the cojones to answer questions about why you embracedethically-challenged Charlie Rangel while pledging to clean up corruption.

On Son of Mario Being A Pussy:

So Andrew, for the first time in your life be a man. Don't hide behind daddy's coattails
even though he pulled strings to advance your career every step of your way. Come out and debate like a man.

Our Fearless Leader

Did you see the Yankees dedicate that monument to Steinbrenner? The thing is like eight -feet tall. It reminded me of the type of monuments you see in North Korea, those huge Kim Jong II monuments expressing gratitude to "our fearless leader." The inscription even says George was a "visionary"-a nice dictatorial touch. I half expected the five year grain projections to be flashed on the scoreboard. Maybe baseball fans from small market cities like Kansas City or Pittsburgh will travel to the Bronx, go to Monument Park take their shoes off and throw them at George's eight- foot head.

Fight The Power... What Power?

Time for a brief civics lesson on the Stoop. A local separation of government powers FYI that may be of interest.

In New York City we have the Mayor, the City Council, the Comptroller the Public Advocate. They make up city government and are elected by the public.

The City Council passes legislation, the Mayor signs it into law and executes it, and the Comptroller audits the books.

In a nutshell, that's how it works.

And that leaves the Public Advocate.

What are the powers delegated to the Public Advocate?

None. Zero.

New York City Public Advocate Bill DeBlasio should be made to wear a Robert Parish jersey every time he walks into the office.

When I say the office has no power, I mean that literally.

It can't enforce any law or regulation.

It has no power to make budgets.

It cannot subpoena any city agency.

It cannot investigate city government.

It has no function; its very existence is a monument to liberal excess and how they really don't care about our tax dollars.

Now you may think that the Public Advocate has a function in city government because you always see the Public Advocate mentioned when something goes wrong in the city.

Last week, on election day, there was a big screw up with the electronic voting machines.

The Board of Elections fucked up big time.

So here comes the Public Advocate to the rescue.

Here is the New York Times on the actions Bill Deblasio took:

In a letter sent to board officials on Thursday, Mr. de Blasio identified several areas of concern, including specific data about the new electronic voting machines, the level of interagency coordination, the recruitment of poll workers, and voter privacy. He said he expected answers in two weeks so that remedies could be developed before the general election on Nov. 2.

Notice that Deblasio "expected" answers in two weeks. He did not demand them, or send a subpoena.

You or I could have written the same letter, and it would have the same legal effect.

The Board of Elections can choose to answer DeBlasio, or it could ignore the request.

He can't compel a response.

It is a ceremonial office with a liberal feel -good name: "Public Advocate".

And it should be abolished pronto.

What's Up, Baby Brother?

ESPN just reported that after the Colts whipped the Giants last night, Peyton Manning met Eli after the game and gave his little brother a wedgie.

Eye On Government

When the leaves begin to turn, I think of three things: (1) playoff baseball; (2) my beloved football Giants; and (3) Joe Paterno's glasses.

Jo Pa's glasses. With lenses so thick, they could be used to bullet- proof the pope mobile. Those lenses can be nationalized as solar panels to heat the entire eastern seaboard.

But I would be remiss if I did not comment on the frames. Joe's lenses get all the love, but no one takes the time to describe the frames.

The frames that Joe uses are very popular.

When you are a member of a government worker's union, you receive free optical care. And every year, you are entitled to one free pair of glasses. And when you go to pick out your pair of glasses, they show you all the frames that you can choose from under your union plan. And those frames, the government union frames, are always the most fucked up looking frames in the store.

And every year, you get to go back to that same vision center and pick up your union-sponsored glasses.

So if you see anyone walking around with the Joe Pa look, just know they are proud members of a government workers union.

Hubie & Jack

ESPN has done a wonderful thing for basketball fans: they got Jack Ramsay & Hubie Brown together to talk hoops. Here, they tell about the most memorable game of their careers. I love how Hubie breaks down Bernard King's Game 5 against the Pistons in 1984:

http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=5286966

A-Fraud Goes Yard

So the Yankees were down 3-1 in the ninth, down to their last strike, and A-Fraud Roidriguez hits a game winning three- run homer? Are you kidding me? I mean, what was he thinking? Doesn't he know that the proper thing to do, the Yankee thing to do, the winning baseball thing to do is to fake like you're gonna bunt and pretend that you got hit by the pitch? How selfish he is, this A-Fraud. Putting himself above the team by swinging away and hitting a homer instead of flopping. We know Jeter never would have done that, right?

One Hospital, One Year

Parkland Memorial Hospital- does the name ring a bell? It's where John Kennedy died after his head was blown off by Oswald.

But nowadays, it's infamous for something else: the number of anchor babies that are born there every year.

The numbers are stunning, and because Parkland is a public hospital, it's all paid for by the taxpayer.

As far as maternity wards go, Parkland might as well be Grand Central Station, it's so busy. Every year approximately 16,000 babies are delivered there. And out of that 16,000, 70% are delivered by mothers who are illegal immigrants.

That comes to 11,200 babies a year.

That number is mind-numbing.

We are talking about just one hospital, in just one year.

This hospital is like Woodstock for illegal aliens, they come from near and far so that they can have a baby in the U.S. that-- just by being born in America-- will be granted full citizenship.

Think about that. Think about the crazy incentives we provide to illegal aliens: yes, you are breaking the law by being here, but if you happen to hatch a kid while breaking the law, that kid is a citizen.

The Anchor baby policy has to be rolled back. The new law should be called the "Fruit of the Poisonous Illegal Alien Act". It would be a law only one sentence long: "All children born on U.S. soil to illegal aliens are also illegal aliens."

And when President Christie signs it into law, I want him to open an INS Detention Center right next to the Maternity Ward at Parkland Public Hospital.

And Now, The End Is Near.....

Did you see Jeter last night? If you look up the definition of "washed up", you will see a photo of a baseball player-- way over the hill-- squaring around to bunt --because he can't hit no more-- and then pretending to get hit by the pitch because it's the only way for him to get on base.

The man is paid $20 million dollars a year. What he did is what little league coaches tell the worst kid on the team to do: "Go up there and bunt and if you can't even do that right, pretend that you got hit by the pitch."

Swing Away

It looks like Carl Paladino is going to take off the gloves and go after Son of Mario hard. Amen to that. He should be like Duran in the first Leonard fight: push him into a corner and don't let him out. This idea that Son of Mario is this moderate Democrat ready to lead New York back to fiscal sanity is like that noted philosopher Mike Tyson would say, "ludicrous."

When you examine Son of Mario's record, you will see that claiming he is a mainstream practical moderate is like looking at the back of Luis Castillo's baseball card and saying, "I think he's going to hit 40 home runs next year."

The man is a left-wing wrecking ball.

He got his start in the family business--politics-- by being his father's left hand man and chief advisor as Mario ran this state into the ground. Then his pappy sent him downstate to work for the most inept Mayor in the history of New York-David Dinkins. And if that wasn't enough, once his pappy agreed to not run against Bill Clinton, the president thanked Mario by naming Son of Mario the head of HUD, where his fingerprints are all over the sub prime mortgage mess since he implemented the federal government's policy to "encourage" banks to make loans to people who had no business receiving them. Moreover, as HUD Secretary, he remade Fannie & Freddie into the mess that has devastated this country.

So Son of Mario is that rare breed of liberal; a triple threat that has been able to implement ruinous liberal policies at the local, state and federal levels.

And we are going to reward this political hack with the governorship?

Take off the gloves, Carl Paladino.

And swing away.

Not As Bad

Reggie Bush after giving back the Heisman: "You think I disgraced USC? Did you see Mark Sanchez against the Ravens Monday Night?

A Pleasure To Root For

Just when you think the modern athlete is unworthy of your support, along comes RA Dickey to remind you why it's okay to cheer for some guys.

He is 35, and just breaking through in the big leagues.

He's a born- again Christian with a wife and three kids who visits firehouses and VA Hospitals on his days off.

He rightfully called out the three amigos, Beltran-Castillo & Perez for not showing up at Walter Reed.

He gets it. And all Met fans love him.

From George Vecsey's column:

My last question was about his critical comments when Carlos Beltran, Oliver Perez and Luis Castillo skipped the visit to Walter Reed.
“
I don’t want to be too hard on those guys,” he said, “but at the same time I wanted to concentrate on what it meant for me, how grateful I was,” he said, meaning toward soldiers who had sacrificed their health.

On a team that has grievously lacked leadership Dickey’s voice was welcome.
“I’m a 35-year-old man with three kids, so I feel like what I say with a pure heart, I don’t have to apologize for it,” Dickey said.



Sports of The Times - R.A. Dickey's Continuing Journey Leads to ...

The No Confidence Man

Did you see the Jet game? Mark Sanchez looked like Joe Namath out there. Of course Namath is now 67 years old. I thought Sexy Rexy Ryan was going to remove his lap band and choke his pretty boy quarterback with it right there on the sideline. What did Sanchez throw for, 71 yards? That's going to be the record for the lowest yards for a QB in the new stadium for a long time. You know you suck at QB when the announcers search for something positive to say and all they can come up with is, "He is doing a great job taking the snap from the center."

Sanchez is like Obamacare: the more you find out about it, the more fucked up it is.

Look At The Root Cause

The true home run king, Hank Aaron lamented the fact that blacks comprise only 9% of the players on major league rosters. He blames the lack of baseball scholarships:

"Football has such a lucrative scholarship that when parents talk to their kids about going to school, they talk about one thing, and that's playing football," Aaron said. "You had kids like Bo Jackson and Deion Sanders, who could've been excellent baseball players, but they had to go to school on football scholarships and play two sports. In the long run, it's not going to work, especially for baseball."

Hammerin' Hank swings and misses at the major cause of the decline.

Baseball is the ultimate father & son sport. Playing catch with your father is how millions of American kids have been introduced to baseball.

And it has been that way for generations.

But the sad fact of the matter is this: 74% of black children are born out of wedlock.

And that leads to a lot of fathers not playing catch with their sons.

Which results in not nearly as many black children develop a bond with baseball like when Aaron was growing up.

And if you don't develop an interest in baseball early, it is very hard to pick it up later.

Admittedly, out of all the problems that can be traced to the inexcusably high out of wedlock child birth rate, this is a minor one.

But they are related.

How sad and shameful it is, that so many kids don't know their fathers in America.

Where Have You Gone, Jack Tatum?

Regarding the preacher who wants to burn the Koran, we all know that the only mistake he made was he picked the wrong holy book to desecrate. You change the Koran to the Bible, you could set it on fire, you could cover it in shit, you could throw in a urine- soaked crucifix as a book marker, and the next thing you know, you will have your own exhibit in the Brooklyn Museum of Art-and you will celebrated as a great artist. And the sad thing is everything I just wrote has happened in the past. Not only has it happened-but it was all funded by taxpayers through the National Endowment of the Arts.

So maybe that's what the preacher should do, ask the NEA to underwrite the cost of the lighter fluid.

But what kills me dead about this whole thing is not the above, we all know that part of the right of passage of the hard left is the desecration of Christian symbols and hiding behind the skirt of the 1st amendment when they are called on it.

I know they are rats like that.

But was kills me is the argument by the Pres, Madam Hillary and even Petraeus that "if he does it, they may get mad and hurt us".

How far we have fallen!

America is like a battered wife and we as a nation have to be careful not to say something that will set our wife-beating husband (radical Islam) off-cause he will smack us around.

And it will be our fault for setting him off.

How bout for once we make them afraid on how we will react if they do something?

America needs to be like Jack Tatum.

And radical Islam needs to feel like a wide receiver going over the middle after the Darryl Stingley episode.

Plant the seed in their mind: if they go over the middle, something really bad might happen.

Cause right now, they are roaming free in the green open fields.

And that will get us killed-not a preacher in Florida with a Koran & a set of matches.

Chris Christie Schools A Teacher

This is new, Christie breaks it down like no one else can:

Going After The Wrong Guy

So it looks like Reggie Bush is going to get stripped of his Heisman Trophy because he took money from an agent.

From where I sit on the Stoop they are going after the wrong USC Heisman Trophy winning running back.

Reggie Bush took money. OJ Simpson beheaded two people.

I don't know what the NCAA field manual says, but somehow, I think what OJ did is worse.

But here is a possible solution:

If they insist on taking Bush's Heisman, why don't they give it to Fred Goldman?

OJ was found liable for the wrongful death of Goldman's son, and the $38 million dollar judgment has not been satisfied.

Give Goldman the trophy, he can sell it to satisfy a small part of the judgment, and when OJ gets out, he can continue his quest to find the real killer.

Not Who They Say They Are

"He's Jordan and I'm Pippen."

That's NY Jet Antonio Cromartie reacting to Darrelle Revis signing his new contract.

The Jets already have the fake LT (Ladainian Tomlinson) and now that got football's MJ?

Please.

Revis ain't Jordan, and Cromartie is not Pippen-he is Shawn Kemp.

As for Tomlinson, they should sell his fake LT memorabilia down on Canal Street; it will fit right in with the fugazy watches and handbags.

He Would Know

So Eliot Spitzer is about to start his own show on CNN. Maybe the Governor can weigh in on Craig's List shutting down its Adult Services section. He may have some insights on that subject.

Early & Often

So Chicago's Mayor Daley announced that he won't run again. While everyone is scrambling to find out who will be the next mayor, the big question is what are they going to do with those millions of votes that have already been cast for Daley from beyond the grave? Do they send ACORN out to the graveyard to take a new head count?

Look-A-Likes: Jim Cramer & Louis CK